X: Men in Tights and the Quest for the Holy Grail
by temari desert
Summary: A X/Robin Hood: Men in Tights/ Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail parody. Obvious OOC. Rated T just to be safe. Please R&R!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: _If only I were a member of CLAMP. If I was I would see to it that_ _X/1999 was taken out of hiatus and completed. But alas, it was never ment to be... and I don't X or Monty Python and the Holy Grail or Robin Hood: Man in Tights._

It was a muggy morning in Great Briton

It was a muggy morning in Great Briton. The grass was drenched in the morning dew; the air was dense with fog, and windy, and cold. Our story starts here, with a pair of travel worn boys, the leader of the two, and also the shortest, was clad in light armor, with a golden crown adorning his head, and a long sword was strapped around his waist. His fine, short, silky smooth black hair whipped around his face as he galloped towards the stone castle in the distance, his arms half extended as if he were holding a horse's reins. Which, he wasn't, as they didn't have horses. His name was Kamui, King of the Britons, and Defeater of the Saxons, Sultan of all England; all of which he had achieved by the age of sixteen.

His companion, Saiki, galloped closely behind him. Unlike Kamui, he wore simple page's clothes, and carried all of their provisions on his back, seeing as how they didn't have any horses, and it was unthinkable that Kamui should be burdened with such things as luggage. In each of his hands he held a dried up coconut shell that was split in half, and as they galloped, he banged the two coconut halves together, creating the sound of horse hooves galloping.

Finally, after much galloping, they reached the castle walls. Kamui held up his hand, signaling for them to halt. Saiki banged the coconuts together the make the sound of halting hooves and fell silent.

"Finally," he muttered, "my arms were getting tired and I think I have a permanent hunch thanks to all this junk I have to carry!"

"Oh, stop grumbling," Kamui snapped. "You were the one who insisted that the king shouldn't be seen carrying his own luggage."

Saiki glared but said nothing more. Kamui tilted his head up and called. "Hello! Is anyone home?"

A man in armor poked his head over the wall and peered down at the two. "Who are you? And what do you want?"

Kamui drew himself up to his full height (which still wasn't very tall mind you) and declared proudly, "I am Kamui, King of the Britions, Defeater of the Saxons, Sultan of all England!"

Saiki rolled his eyes, "Show off," he mumbled. Kamui ignored him and continued, "I am traveling around and looking for knights to join me at my court at Camelot and my round table! Please tell your master that we're here and if—"

"What are those?" the guard interrupted, pointing to the coconuts that Saiki was holding. Both Kamui and Saiki frowned and looked at the coconuts that the page held. "Coconuts," Kamui answered, "Why?"

"How did you get them?" the guard inquired.

"We found them," Kamui answered abruptly.

"You _found_ them?"

"Yes," Kamui snapped impatiently. "What does it matter?"

"The coconut is tropical, that's what." The guard argued. "This is a temperate zone! Which means you couldn't find them here in Mercia"

"The sallow may fly south with the sun, or the house martin may seek warmer climes in the winter, yet these are not strangers to our land," Saiki called back.

"Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?" asked the guard in disbelief.

"What? No," Kamui answered, his annoyance becoming more evident.

"Then how do you explain how it ended up here?" the guard probed.

"They could be carried," Kamui retorted, deciding that maybe they should just move on.

"Well, then, a swallow carrin a coconut?"

"It could grip it by the husk," Saiki explained as patiently as he could, for he too was quickly losing his patience with the man and wanted to move on.

"It's not a question of where he grips it," the guard said in disgust. "It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird _cannot_ carry a one pound coconut!"

"It _really_doesn't matter," Kamui grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest and starting to tap his foot impatiently.

"Hey, listen," the guard insisted. "In order to maintain air speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings 43 times every second, am I right?"

Both Kamui and Saiki looked at each other in confusion. "That's right, isn't it?" Kamui whispered. Saiki frowned and shrugged, but decided to go with the guard's logic.

"Yeah, I guess so," he answered back to the guard. Just then, and another man's head popped out from behind the wall and interrupted, "An African swallow could carry it."

"Yes," agreed the first guard, while Kamui and Saiki groaned in exasperation. "But the African swallow isn't migratory, now is it?"

"True," the second guard conceded, "but what if two swallows carried it together?"

"It doesn't matter!" Kamui shouted, only to be ignored by the two arguing guards, who were, by now, completely absorbed in their insane coconut migration conversation. Saiki sighed as he rubbed his temples. "Let's just get out of here," he suggested. Kamui nodded and began to gallop away as Saiki began to bang the two coconuts together.

As they continued onward, they came upon a small village plagued with illness. Kamui signaled for them to stop as they neared the outskirts of the village.

"Hey, Saiki, do you hear that?" he asked his gasping page, ignoring the fact that the said page was crawling on his hands and knees.

"WATER," Saiki croaked. Kamui frowned and shook his head. "No, not that sound. I meant that gonging sound and those cries of misery."

"I NEED WATER!!"

"No, not _those_cries of misery," Kamui said, shaking his head again.

Saiki glared up at him in disbelief. "I'm dying of thirst and exhaustion, you idiot!!"

"No, it sounds more like the cries of people dying of the plague, and that gonging sounds like a man beating a pot with a wooden spoon as he calls 'Bring out your dead!' while walking along side a cart full of dead people being pulled and loaded by two scrawny men who are desperate to make a living, and will actually smuggle some of the bodies home so that their families will have something to eat, thus infecting not only themselves, but their families as well," Kamui droned on and on, obviously not paying attention to his dying friend's exclaims of death.

"Oh bloody hell!" Saiki groaned. He collapsed on the ground with his face in the dirt. "Ow," he turned his head to the side and rubbed his nose.

"Or it maybe it's the war cries of two young teenage boys fighting at the top of Tokyo Tower with two long and sharp identical swords, being suspended in mid-air as they fight to the death in an apocalyptic battle over who decides the fate of the earth, shattering large building windows, while all the people of Tokyo go about their day as though none of this it happening…" Kamui suggested thoughtfully.

Saiki frowned, what was he jabbering about? What was a 'Tokyo Tower', and what was this 'Tokyo'? Why were there two moody teenagers fighting to the death for the fate of the earth? And how the hell can people not notice all of this going on in the first place?

"Damm continuity," he grumbled as Kamui continued to spout out a bunch of nonsense.

"Or maybe it's the anguished screams of millions of fangirls as the creators of a manga called _X/1999_decided to put the said manga on an indefinite hiatus and start new volumes of manga and seem to have forgotten all about it." Kamui continued guessing.

His gaze wandered as he tuned out Kamui's drabbling. _'Might as well enjoy the bloody scenery while I wait to die,'_he thought sarcastically. But as he took in the small scattered patches of grass and the many rocks that jutted out of the ground here and there, just waiting to trip an innocent by stander into their impending doom of falling and being impaled by its other rock friends, and thought of how he so wanted to kill Kamui right now just to shut him up, the author decided to put a small glass bottle of water not too far away from where he lay, which lured him into a false sense of security and gave him a new ray of hope, when she only did it so that she could torture him later on.

Anyway, as Saiki spotted the bottle of water he almost wept with joy. Filled with a new found will to survive, he dragged himself closer, all thoughts of wanting to kill Kamui forgotten as he focused on the bottle that contained the liquid of life, and inched himself closer over to the bottle. He could already taste the heavenly cool liquid on his parched lips, feel it rush down his throat and quenching his thirst. Finally, the bottle was an inch away from his out stretched hand. But just as it seemed that the higher power that was the author was really being sympathetic and compassionate towards him, when really she had lured him into a false sense of security, binding her time and waiting for the moment to be just right, she struck!

"Hey," Kamui exclaimed cheerfully from behind Saiki. "A glass bottle of water that was conveniently place a little ways away from a dying page whose master ignored his cries of death by some unknown higher power who did it in hopes of luring him into a false sense of security."

Before Saiki could act, Kamui was already next to him and plucked the bottle from the ground. "Man, all that talking made me thirsty!"

Saiki stared at the empty space in his hand stupidly for a moment, trying to figure out why the bottle that contained the liquid of life was no longer there. When realization finally slapped him in the face he paled and looked up at Kamui who had twisted the cap off.

"No…" Saiki gasped in horror, realizing what Kamui was about to do. "Oh for the love of god, please no!"

"Well no sense in letting it go to waste," Kamui said and to Saiki's horror said, "Bottoms up!" and drank it.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Saiki screamed, as he tried desperately to push himself up to his knees to stop the silky black haired youth. But alas, the strength that he had summoned to get to the holy water had deserted him, leaving him to watch Kamui commit his act of terror, and down the whole bottle right in front of his eyes.

"Ahhh, refreshing," Kamui sighed, he then finally noticed his page lying on the ground at his feet and staring white-faced and watery eyed up at the empty bottle in his hand. "Eh? Saiki, what are you doing on the ground?"

"Why?" Saiki whispered.

"Ne, why what?"

Saiki didn't answer. Instead he just continued to stare at the empty bottle, hoping and praying that surly Kamui didn't drink _all_of it. Kamui frowned in confusion, and looked down at his clothing. "Is there a stain on my pants?" He asked. When Saiki didn't answer he stopped and stared at him again, trying to figure out what the other boy was staring at. He gave up after fives minutes and shrugged. "Okay, whatever."

Then he carelessly tossed the bottle over his shoulder, where it broke as it hit a rock. That was when Saiki snapped.

He screamed, "ARGH!!"

"What the—ACK!!" Kamui start to say but didn't finish because just then Saiki attacked with new found strength that was fueled by his rage. Saiki shot up and ran head long into Kamui, tackling him to the ground.

"You bastard! That bottle was mine!" he screamed as he punched Kamui.

"Dude, what's your problem?" Kamui snapped, as he shoved Saiki off of him and tried to scramble away from his crazed friend.

"I'm gonna kill you!" Saiki shouted as he grabbed a hold of Kamui's foot and dragged him back to him.

As then two men began to sissy fight, they where unaware that they were being watched by a pair of cold, mismatched eyes. Not too far away on top of a large hill a man stood holding a shovel on a pointed rock jutting out beside a mound of freshly dug dirt that indicated a grave had been recently made and filled, assessing the fight between Kamui and Saiki with mild interest. He was tall, with short black hair and one amber brown eye, his right one was a slate gray and completely blind. He wore black flowing robes and a light brown travel cloak, both were lightly dusted with dirt, and a pair of black sunglasses (of his own invention); on his beautiful face he wore a small practiced smile as he watched Kamui hit Saiki in the mouth, forcing the brown-haired man to yelp and abruptly let go of his hair, which Kamui quickly took advantage of the situation to tackle Saiki to the ground and sissy slapped him continually.

'_What a curious pair of people,'_he remarked to himself. He watched Kamui and Saiki's fight, in which Saiki was able to get the upper hand on Kamui. He fought through Kamui's slaps and pushed him off of him and started to strangle him. Oh, but Kamui wasn't about to let that kill him, no soirée. Just when all hope seemed lost for the King of the Britons, Kamui kneed Saiki in the stomach, forcing the page to gasp and fall to the side in pain. Gasping as well Kamui rolled away slowly and forced himself onto his hands and knees. Saiki did the same, recovering more quickly than his superior. When they struggled to their feet, they both glared at one another.

"I hate you, you—you bottle stealer!" Saiki shouted.

"I hate you more," Kamui snapped back.

Then, Saiki did the lowest of the low. He grabbed his right ring finger and jerked a cheap plastic ring that said 'Best Friends Forever Club' on it off. Kamui gasped in horror. "What are you doing?"

"What I should have done a long time ago!" Saiki hissed, and he threw the cheap plactic ring on the ground, and stomped on it. "We're not best friends forever anymore!"

"Noooo!" Kamui wailed, and fell to his knees; the terrible act was too great for him. The mystery man's eyes widened in surprise as the terrible act unfolded before him. _'Wow'_, he thought, _'that was harsh.'_

Kamui looked up at a triumphant looking Saiki with pained eyes. "Why, Saiki?"

Saiki snorted, "Because, you took my bottle!"

"But… but," Kamui whispered and brought up his own right hand, which also had a cheap plastic ring on the ring finger. "We promised that we would be best friends forever."

Saiki shifted uncomfortably for a second. "Yeah, well… we aren't anymore. You made me carry our entire luggage, ignored me whiled I was dying of thirst, and stole my bottle of water."

Kamui stopped his morning and stared at his ex-best friend forever. "What are you talking about?" he demanded, "You demanded that I shouldn't carry any luggage! I spent an hour to convince you to let me keep my sword and amour!"

"Nuh uh," Saiki defended, "You made me carry everything!"

"I did not, you lying buffoon!"

"You did too, you crustaious cheap skate!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

The mystery man sweat dropped as they continued to argue like this back and forth, wondering just who these two idiots were.

"I did not!" Kamui yelled the fiftieth time.

"You did too!" Saiki yelled back and again they started to sissy slap each other to death.

A movement from their left caught the mysterious man's attention, which his eyes widened in alarm. Behind the squabbling pair, a large bird-like creature was circling the skies. It looked almost like a paragon falcon, only it was the size of a single story house. Its beak was curved and sharp, its keen eyes scanning the earth for its next victim. The man in the black robes watched the giant bird before deciding that it was in his best interest to make a swift exit for cover before the bird of prey spotted him out in the open. He sighed and, shouldering his shovel he gracefully stepped down from the rock and on to the mound he had recently covered up. He gave the two fighting boys one last glance before snapping his fingers and vanishing into thin air.

Needless to say, Kamui and Saiki were too busy trying to kill each other to have notice the man's presence and absence, nor did they notice that they were spotted by a huge man-eating bird that was circling over head of them, getting ready to dive straight for them.

"You eat horse radishes raw!"

"You bob for apples in the toilet, and you like it!"

"You let your mom dress you up as a girl and you liked it so much that you wouldn't take them off for months! And you dreamed of being a sugar plum fairy princess too!" Saiki shouted, making Kamui freeze in horror at what his ex-friend had just said.

"You promised you would never speak of that!" Kamui gasped.

"I lied," Saiki retorted. "And I'd—"

But before Kamui could hear what Saiki had to say, a blur of motion had snatched him up and carried him into the air. He stood rooted to the ground as the giant bird had swooped in and carried Saiki kicking and screaming in its talons into the distance.

"Saiki," Kamui called after the shock wore off and his mind began to register what had just happened.

Saiki was just kidnapped by some giant mutant bird. That meant he was in trouble, and Kamui had one of two choices. One, he could go and rescue his friend and companion before he was torn to shreds and devoured in such terrible ways that only the author of this fiction could think of, or he could pretend that it didn't happen and find a new friend and companion to replace Saiki.

Kamui frowned; he didn't really like those options. Option one didn't guarantee that he would make it to Saiki in time or ensure their safe escape, and option two would make him feel like sht. He looked around and swore, the horses were gone (which weren't horses, instead Saiki banging two coconut halves together and Kamui galloping to the beat of horse hooves).

Then, a plan began to form in his head. He looked over to where the village was at and ran for it.

"Don't worry Saiki," he said to himself. "I'll find help and rescue you."

TBC

Will Kamui find help in time to save Saiki? Will Saiki ever be able to get a drink of water? Find out in the next exciting chapter of X: men in tights and the Quest of the Holy Grail!

Well, that's my first chapter! I hope you like it, and please review!


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer: I do not own X. If I did, I would lock Fuma and Kamui and myself in a dark closet with nothing but magic markers. Oh the thrills we shall have!_

_Somewhere in the sky…_

Saiki sighed as the great bird continued to carry him away to its layer to devour him. Most people would find this thought troubling or horrifying, and would be kicking and screaming at the top of their lungs for help and trying everything in their power to escape such a fate. Saiki had done just that, but after twenty minutes of yelling and struggling he saw that not only was it pointless because no one could hear him from up where he was, but he didn't have the strength to struggle any more. So he now found himself wishing that they would just land already.

He glanced up at the giant bird, then back at the talons that were clinching him tightly around the waist. He gave an experimental wiggle, but couldn't even move an inch. He glared up at the bird.

"You know, possession is one of the first signs of domestic abuse!" He shouted at the bird, which merely ignored him. Saiki huffed and crossed his arms to pout. "You could stand to loosen your grip on me you know. You don't own me anyway. And besides, it's not like I'm going to try and escape from way up here anyway. I mean seriously, what do I look like, a suicidal maniac?"

The bird didn't answer and Saiki was getting frustrated. "Can we at least land by a lake or something so I can get a drink?"

There was still no answer.

"Okay," Saiki muttered, "What about if I promise not to try and escape or try anything funny and be a good little boy?"

Again the bird ignored him and continued on its way.

Saiki gritted his teeth together. "Listen you over grown chicken; I've had just about enough of your crummy attitude! I know you plan on eating me and all, but that's no excuse for you to ignore my wants and needs! Now land by a bloody lake now, and let me get a drink of water!"

The bird screeched, making Saiki cover his ears from the horrible sound. "Hey, don't you talk back to me! I am Saiki, the royal page of Kamui, King of the Britions, Defeater of the Saxons, and Sultan of all England," Saiki declared, "and you will show me the proper respect I deserve!"

The bird screeched again and made a sharp dive for the ground. Saiki screamed and squeezed his eyes shut and covered them with his hands. The wind whirled around him as their decent became faster and faster. The whole time Saiki didn't dare uncover his eyes or even peek through his fingers. He heard shouting, and then shrilled screaming, and a surprised yelp before the bird pulled out of its dive and flapped upwards with a triumphant screech. He heard rapid breathing from beside him, and cautiously he opened his eyes and peeked through the gaps between his fingers. He looked to his left and saw a red haired man in filthy peasants clothing and a leather cap hyperventilating in the bird's other set of talons.

"Le-let me go," the peasant screamed as he started hitting the bird's feet. Saiki sweat dropped at the man's pointless actions. "Someone help me!"

"Hey, just to save you the trouble and humiliation it won't let you go." Saiki said simply. The man looked up sharply at him. "By the way," Saiki added. "Who are you?"

"My name's Jim," the red haired man answered and then frowned at him, "Why aren't you screaming for help and struggling to get away? Don't you know that we're going to be eaten in terrible ways?"

Saiki shrugged, "Yeah, I know. But I realized that I was wasting my energy because no one can hear us from way up here, and if I struggled out of this over grown turkey's claws, I would surely fall to my death."

The red head stopped struggling and looked at Saiki thoughtfully. "That's reasonable, I would never have thought of that."

Saiki smiled, "You notice these things after yelling and fighting for twenty minutes."

Jim nodded in agreement. "What's your name anyway?"

"My name is Saiki, the page of Kamui, King of the Britons, Defeater of the Saxons, Sultan of all England." Saiki said proudly.

The peasant frowned at him again, "Who are the Britons?"

Saiki gave him a startled look, "Well, we all are, and Kamui is our king."

Jim snorted. "Well I didn't vote for him."

"Well of course you didn't," Saiki retorted, "you don't vote for kings!"

"Then how are they elected?"

"They aren't elected. They're given the title after the king before them dies," Saiki explained.

"I thought we were an anarchy government," Jim said.

"No, we're a government ruled by one man, who is the king," Saiki said, then glared and muttered under his breath so the other man wouldn't hear, "Even if that king makes his subordinates carry around all of his heavy luggage, ignores his servants' cries for water, and steals their water right in front of them."

Then Saiki spotted a canteen around the peasant's neck. "What's that?" he demanded and pointed at the canteen. The man's face became puzzled as he looked down at his canteen.

"What this? It's my canteen." He answered then asked suspiciously, "Why?"

"What's in it?" Saiki asked, ignoring the red haired man's question.

"Well, water of course," Jim said in a mater-of-fact tone. "What else would be in it?"

"Is it full?"

"I should hope so," Jim answered, "I had just filled it up when this bloody buzzard snatched me up."

"Can I have some?" Saiki asked, nervously twiddling his thumbs.

"Why?"

"Because I'm really thirsty, and have been since before I got captured." Saiki said quickly, trying to keep his voice light.

Jim thought about it for a second, before shaking his head and hugging the canteen to his chest. "No, because I would have to throw it to you, and the force that we're moving at will ensure that if I throw it to you, you'd miss it and it would fall."

Saiki stared at him with a dumbstruck look on his face. "What?"

Jim shook his head again. "No, you can't have any," he decided, "Besides, what if I became thirsty when we land, and you had drunken all of it?"

"But you would probably be eaten before you could even think that you were thirsty," Saiki pointed out.

"Well when you get eaten, you won't be thirsty anymore," Jim snapped, making Saiki glare viciously at him.

"You selfish bastard," he hissed. "We're both going to die and you won't even share your bleeding water!"

Jim stuck his tongue out at the enraged page, "Sticks and Stones."

And thus they continued to argue all the way as the bird carried them into the unknown.

_Meanwhile, in the plague infested village…_

Kamui had finally reached the village and was searching quickly for anyone who would be able to help him save Saiki from the terrible fate that awaited him.

Sadly, no one would help. As soon as he asked an old crone who was beating a rug with her cat if she could help, and explained the situation, she had screamed in terror and sounded the 'Giant Bird Alarm' and everyone ran away (or in circles) in fear.

"Please, will someone please help me?" Kamui shouted as he ran through the village square, which was filled with screaming panic stricken villagers.

On the other side of the village square, another man dressed in a dirty travel worn traveling cloak and white robs with beautiful green eyes and short black hair was running through the village as well, though for very different reasons. He was being chased by a small group of armored guards armed with swords and spears. Neither Kamui nor the desperate man noticed each other until they ran head long into one another, the force of their impact sending them flying backwards.

"Ow, that hurt," Kamui groaned from his spot on the ground and rubbed his head. The young man with green eyes did the same and looked around, muttering to himself. "What did I hit?"

When his eyes fell on Kamui he blinked. Kamui's crown had fallen off during his collision, his clothes and hair and face were covered in muck. He was currently searching around for his sword and didn't take any notice of the shocked black haired man who was sitting with a dumbfounded look on his face. Of course given Kamui's small size, it was easy to see why the man was shocked and confused. Who would have thought a person shorter than yourself could send you flying backward if you ran into them?

But before the man could pull himself to his feet, or Kamui could find both his crown and sword and stand up as well, the small group of armored guards who had been pursuing the older man had surrounded the two of them in a circle and had their spears pointing at them, making both Kamui and the man freeze.

"Well, well, well," the leader of the group sneered. "Looks like you'll be coming to an overseas prison with us after all, buddy."

The man in the travel cloak gulped, "I told you, you have the wrong guy! I didn't kill any body!"

"Yeah right, pretty boy," a second guard said in a sick smooth voice that made Kamui and the terrified man cringe. "We have three eye-witnesses say they saw a guy who looks exactly like you kill that old cow and chop it up into little itty-bitty pieces and carry them somewhere in the country and buried them."

"No," the man insisted, "I swear, you have the wrong guy! The one you're looking for is Seishiro Sakurazuka!"

Kamui frowned, "Sakurazuka? As in the Sakurazukamori, Sakurazuka?"

"Yes," the man gasped with a tone of relief in his voice that someone else knew of the Sakurazukamori. "He's the killer, not me! And he killed an old woman!"

"Nice try," a third guard hissed, "But we aren't falling for that one! Obviously you really are this Seishiro guy and you're trying to fool us with a lie that you're not! Not only that, but how would you know what he killed unless if you were him?"

"No, I am NOT Seishiro Sakurazuka!" The man shouted, his voice sounding desperate again. "My name is Subaru Sumer—"

"Can you describe this 'other' man?" The leader interrupted in a sarcastic tone.

"Yes, he's a bit taller than I am, and has short black hair, and has two mismatched eyes—"

"What color are his eyes?" a fourth man interjected.

"One amber eye and the other one's light blue and blind." Subaru answered, not noticing the evil smirks forming on each of the guards' faces.

"And he has a handsome face, and wears a pair of sunglasses—which are one of his many inventions that he doesn't share with the rest of us—and he's dressed in flowing black robes that are the same style that I'm wearing right now, and he has a travel cloak that looks… just… like… mine…," Subaru finished slowly, realizing that Seishiro and himself looked almost identical. "Oh bother…"

"A travel cloak that looks just like your's huh?" the second guard snickered. Subaru swallowed nervously and nodded.

"And flowing robes in the same style as your's?"

Subaru's cheeks burned red as he nodded again, and Kamui felt sorry for him.

"And I take it the pretty lady that you conveniently ran into wasn't part of the act?" the fourth man asked silkily, making Kamui's jaw drop. Subaru frowned and looked at him, along with the rest of the guards who were smirking evilly.

"She _is _rather pretty, isn't she boys?" the first one asked, brushing a lock of the young king's hair with his finger. Kamui slapped his hand away angrily, and the others ooohed. "And feisty too!"

"Who are you calling a girl, you perverted mid-aged dogs?!" Kamui snarled, making the guards and Subaru gap at his unmistakable male voice.

"She's a guy?!" one of the guards yelped. Subaru held his tongue, not wanting to admit that he had thought the boy before him was a young lady.

"Do you have any idea who you're disrespecting?" Kamui demanded, "I am Kamui, King of the Britons, Defeater of the Saxons, and Sultan of all England! How dare you treat me with such disrespect—?"

"King who?" the third guard demanded after recovering from shock.

"You heard me," Kamui hissed.

"The only royalty that I know is Prince John, who over threw the last king." The fourth man said.

"Who the hll is this Prince John?" Kamui demanded sharply.

"The ruler of all England." The second guard said matter-of-factly. "His only enemy, Yuto Kigai, is off in another country fighting in the Crusades."

"Since when has he been on the throne?" Kamui asked in a stunned voice.

"Since about six months ago," the second guard replied.

"That's bullshit!" Kamui shouted, "I am the king not—"

The leader glowered at Kamui, "Oh ho, ho, a rebel eh? Well, looks like you get to join us and the Sakurazukamori at the prison."

"I am NOT the Sakurazuka—" Subaru started to shout before Kamui interrupted him, "I am NOT a rebel! I am Kamui, King of—"

"Yeah, yeah tell it to someone who cares," the leader snarled, and then turned to the third and fourth guards, "Book'em boys."

Before the two wrongly accused boys could say another word, they were tackled to the ground and forced on their stomachs and hand cuffed. As the guards pulled them to their feet Subaru started shouting, "Help, help I'm being repressed! I'm being repressed!"

Kamui was kicking and screaming, "Let go of me! Let _go_ I say! I'll have the law on you!"

"Sorry pal, but I am the law." The guard holding on to him grunted as one of his comrades grabbed a hold of Kamui's flailing legs and helped him carry the frantic bishi away. The leader shook his head sadly, "This is always the hardest part of the job."

The fourth guard, who was dragging Subaru called out for him and he shook his head again and sighed. "And of course, they always gotta do it the hard way."

He then took out a cub and whacked the struggling Subaru in the back of the head and into unconsciousness.

"Hey boss, why not make this guy go sleepy-byes too?" Called the second guard as Kamui got one of his legs free and kicked the man in the jaw, not even noticing what they did to Subaru or that he was about to receive the same treatment.

"Put me down this instant, or I'll break your fecking teeth out!" Kamui screamed. The leader whacked him in the head, and the last thing Kamui saw was a shower of stars, and then all went black.

_Several hours later on a ship in the middle of the ocean.…_

Subaru woke up to the worse headache he had ever had in his life, and the creaking of the ship as the waves from the ocean rocked it back and forth, were making him feel nauseous and weren't doing him any favors. He groaned and sat up; keeping his eyes closed and rubbed the back of his head, where he could feel a huge painful knot that had grown from the hit of the guard's club. He winced slightly as he massaged it gently with his fingers before slowly opening his eyes. He blinked several times before his eyes adjusted and surveyed his surroundings.

He was in a small holding area, and sat on a small wooden bench with another unconscious prisoner next to him and his arms and legs were shackled to a thick heavy looking log that ran through the length of the holding place. On the other side of the log was another small bench with three other prisoners sitting on it and facing him. The area was dimly lit by a small lantern hanging over their heads. He noticed two of the three prisoners that were facing him were butch. One was completely bald and had half of his right ear ripped off. Another had long tangly hair and very hairy arms and a scar over his left eye. The third was smaller in build but had a bunch of scars on his body and no teeth. They were all eyeing Subaru and his bench mate like a pack of hungry rabid wolves.

Subaru grimaced, cursing his bishi looks and Seishiro for getting him in this predicament. It was because of his good looks that he had met Seishiro seven years ago, and the Sakurazukamori made him his prey. From the very moment he met him, Seishiro always teased him about how cute he looked and would always call him "his little Subaru-kun", and laughed when Subaru turned cherry red at his words. Then he ditched Subaru after one year, and the white mage had been hunting him down ever since. Needless to say, Subaru never saw Seishiro since he ditched him six years ago and wasn't sure if he looked the same, but he still kept at it, hoping for the day he could get his revenge. His sister and grandmother were convinced that he was taking things too far and said he was becoming obsessed with the dark mage, but he ignored them. Now he found himself chained to a thick heavy log and being sized up by three macho men who were sure to make him their bitch. Oh yes, Subaru was all too painfully aware that guys like him didn't do very well in the slammer.

He smiled nervously at the three men, who quickly returned it with a snarl.

'_Okay, note to self, if they attack play dead or beg for mercy. No—scratch that, just submit and hope that they rape you and get it over with quickly.'_ he thought sarcastically and decided that eye contact was best to be avoided at all costs.

His bench buddy shifted slightly and groaned. "What happened?"

Subaru frowned and looked more closely at his bench mate. It was the same guy who was arrested with him! What was his name—Kamui—that's right. He said that he was King of the Britons, which meant that he was their superior. But he didn't look old enough to be king, but what did he know?

Kamui sat up slowly and looked around warily. "Where am I?"

"I think we're on a ship that's taking us to a prison overseas, your highness," Subaru answered as he watched Kamui squint in the dim light while he rubbed the back of his head. "How long was I out?"

Subaru shrugged, "I don't have a clue. I just woke up not too long before you myself."

Kamui nodded slowly, then his eyes widened in alarm and he jumped up exclaiming, "Saiki! Bird! Eat! Bad—ack!"

His was jerked back down on the bench by his shackles. Apparently, he hadn't noticed them from before, and now looked at them stupidly. "What are these?"

"Shackles your highness," Subaru answered hesitantly, trying to make sense of the gibberish that had startled the teenager beside him.

"Oh," Kamui said dumbly, but then snapped back into his earlier panic. "Crap, Saiki! I didn't find anyone to help him! That stupid over grown pigeon has probably devoured him in such terrible ways that only the author could even think about!"

"Who's Saiki?" Subaru asked, but then noticed the three men watching them like hawks. He gulped, and desperately wished he wasn't such a hot bishi. Kamui didn't pay them any mind as he answered. "Saiki is my page," he explained. "He and I sat out on a journey about seven months ago to look for knights to join me at my castle at Camelot. But yesterday a giant pigeon came out of the sky and snatched him away and carried him off in the distance. That's when I ran to the village to look for help and ran into you."

Subaru gapped at Kamui, "Did you say giant pigeon?"

"Yeah, why do you know where it lives?" Kamui asked excitedly.

The emerald green eyed mage shifted uncomfortably. "Yeah, I've heard of it…"

"Where does it live? Am I too late? Is there any chance that Saiki may have survived?" Kamui asked quickly, the words spilling together out of his mouth. Subaru paused, while separating the excited boy's words before answering. "It belongs to the Sheriff of Rottingham and Prince John. It snatches up pheasants to eat, but also people who Prince John and Rottingham think are plotting against them and it brings them to them to be executed. I don't think you'll be late, but I can't see what kind of threat your page posed for Prince John or Rottingham."

Kamui's face fell at Subaru's information. "You mean… he's probably dead already?"

Subaru flinched at the depressed tone. "No, they could have sent him to the dungeons to await a trial." He lied, hoping he sounded convincing.

Kamui sighed and buried his head in his hands, "Saiki's right, I really am a terrible friend!"

(Audience: awwwww….)

Subaru frowned and asked, "Why would he call you a terrible friend?"

Kamui shrugged, "He said that I made him carry all of our luggage when we started out on our journey, but he insisted that he should carry everything. I mean, it took me an hour to convince him to let me keep my sword!"

'_Ah,'_ Subaru thought, understanding dawning on him._ 'A case of he said she said. Well that makes sense.'_

"Did he say anything else?" Subaru asked, trying to piece the puzzle together, he felt like his sister.

Kamui thought about and nodded. "Yeah, he said that I ignored him when he was dying of thirst and that I stole his water bottle."

Subaru and the three other men sweat dropped, all thinking that maybe Saiki was the one in the right, but the Subaru asked, "Is that true?"

Kamui thought back to when they had reached the outskirts of the village.

_Flashback_

_Saiki gasping "WATER!"_

"_No, no, not _those _sounds. More like the sound of a gong and cries of misery."_

"_I NEED WATER!!"_

"_No, it sounds more like the cries of plague infested villagers." Kamui dismissed. _

_Saiki glared up at him, "I'm dying of thirst you bloody idiot!"_

_End Flashback_

_Flashback_

_Saiki was just inches from the water bottle before Kamui snatched it up and drank every last drop. "Ahhh, that's better!"_

_He notices Saiki on the ground and looking up at him with teary eyes. "Eh, Saiki? What's wrong?"_

_End Flashback_

Kamui's eyes widened at the flashbacks the author showed him and he paled slightly. "Oops."

"Well, was Saiki right?" Subaru asked.

Kamui didn't answer, instead he felt horrible. How could he treat his best friend like that? No wonder Saiki had stomped on his 'Best Friends Forever Club' ring and didn't want to be his best friend.

"Your highness," Subaru asked when Kamui didn't respond. "Your highness, are you alright?" He lightly poked the dazed blue eyed boy, "Your highness?"

"He's right," Kamui said disbelievingly. "I really am a terrible person!" Then he burst into tears and started banging his head against the dividing log.

"Erm, I'm sure that's not true," Subaru said quickly, lightly patting the king on the head in an attempt to cheer him up.

"It is," Kamui wailed and thumped his head against the log again. "It's all true, and now Saiki's gonna be eaten by a giant mutant pigeon! I don't deserve his forgiveness!"

Subaru slid a cautious side glance at the three prisoners who all had the same bewildered and disturbed looks on their faces as him. Apparently they felt just as awkward at Kamui's despair as he, and like him, had no idea how to make him stop. Subaru gulped and grabbed Kamui's shoulder to stop him from banging his head against the divider log. "Your highness, please stop and get a hold of yourself!"

"Why should I? My best friend was right about me and he's going to die!" Kamui cried and tried to bang his head again, but Subaru held him steady.

"That's not true," Subaru said quickly, "I said that he could be sent to the dungeons to await a trial! So he'll be safe for a little while."

"And how am I supposed to go and rescue him?" Kamui snapped and waved his shacked wrists in front of Subaru angrily, "I'm chained to a freakin' log, you idiot! There's no way in heaven or hell that I could unchain myself and escape this wretched boat in time to save Saiki!"

Subaru nodded, unfazed by the king's anger. "Yes, getting out of here on your own is a bit of a problem," he acknowledged thoughtfully. "But I think I can help you."

Kamui snorted, "How's that, we don't have a key or anyway of getting back to England."

Subaru smiled and leaned in and whispered his plan in Kamui's ear.

_Somewhere up in the sky…._

"Okay, okay, I've got one," Jim said quickly, "I spy, with my little eye something blue."

"The sky," Saiki groaned as he hung as limply as he could in the giant bird's talons.

"Wow how did you know that?" Jim gasped in astonishment. Saiki glared daggers at him. "You've been saying it for your last fifty turns!"

Jim huffed, "Well you don't have to bite my head off about it!"

"Oh why don't you just shut up for once?" Saiki snarled.

Jim looked at him with a bit of surprise, "Are you still sore about the water? You really need to just forget about it and move on mate. I mean seriously, it's not like it's the end of the world."

Saiki snorted as he crossed his arms and abruptly looked the other way. Showing Jim that yes, he was still sore about the water, and no, he wasn't about to forget about it and move on.

Jim glared at him, "You have a rotten selfish attitude mister."

Saiki pretended to be interested in the landscape below them and ignored him. Jim bristled, "Are you giving me the silent treatment?"

Again he got no answer, "Oh you are such a baby!"

Again Saiki ignored him. Jim huffed, "Fine, be that way! I'll just play by myself!"

And without another word he looked around them for something to spy. As he scanned the area, Jim began to notice that they were circling a castle. Jim slid a side ways glance over at Saiki to see if he had noticed which he didn't since he was now looking at the endless sky instead. Jim turned his attention back to the castle and saw that they were coming closer to it.

"Uh, hey Saiki?" Jim asked slowly. Saiki ignored him again and Jim cleared his throat and tried again. "Saiki, I think we're landing."

Saiki rolled his eyes, "Nice try Jim, but I'm not falling for that again."

"No, really," Jim insisted. "Look," he pointed at the castle, "See? The castle's getting closer!"

Saiki sighed and looked at Jim and followed the direction that he was pointing. His eyes widened at the sight of the castle. "What the—," he started to say but the words disappeared as the giant bird squawked and landed in the court yard.

A man dressed in black robes and silver lined armor approached them. He had a dark brown goatee and thick dark brown hair that was neatly combed. On his waist he carried a sword. His expression was stern as he stopped before the giant bird and glanced at Saiki and Jim.

"Your what names?" He snapped. Saiki and Jim shared a confused look then replied, "What?"

The man blushed and cleared his throat, "I mean, 'what are your names?'"

"I'm Saiki," Saiki replied.

"I'm called Jim," Jim answered.

"What class are you?" the man demanded in a harsh voice, directing the question at Jim who flinched.

"I-I'm a-a peasant, sir," Jim stuttered. The man narrowed his eyes at him before turning to Saiki and asking the same question.

"I was a page, milord," Saiki answered, using the past tense. As far as he was conserned, Kamui could have already replaced him.

"Who's page?"

"Kamui, sir, I served King Kamui." Saiki answered again, wondering just who this guy was. He had a feeling in the pit of his stomach that this guy was bad news.

The man gasped, "A traitor! You shall be taken to the dungeons to await a trial!"

"Eh? On what charges?!" Saiki demanded with disbelief.

"For conspiring against the prince," the man snapped.

"What prince?"

"Prince John, the ruler of all England, of course." The man hissed. "And you're also charged with carrying illegal weapons."

"Illegal what?!" Saiki shouted in outrage, "I don't have any weapons!"

"Then what do you call those?" the man asked pointing to the two coconut halves that were tied to Saiki's waist by two cords (A/N: yes he kept the coconuts all this time).

Saiki stared from the coconuts to the man, his mouth hanging open in disbelief. "Are you bleeding loony?" he shouted, "These are coconuts!"

"Aha!" The man shouted in triumph, "A confession!"

"Nani?!" Both Saiki and Jim exclaimed in confusion.

"What are you talking about? I didn't confess to anything!" Saiki snapped, waving his arms.

"You're also charged with possession of an illegal food item," the man said, and turned to a couple of guards behind him. "Arrest these two bludger heads," he ordered, pointing at Saiki and Jim, who let out a startled squeak, "And lock them away in the dungeon!"

"What?" Saiki yelled. One of the guards came up and turned him around. "Sir, you're under arrest for conspiring against the beloved Prince John, carrying illegal weapons with the intent of harm to another person, and the possession of an illegal food item." The guard said as he cuffed one of Saiki's hands.

"What are you talking about? They're just coconuts!" Saiki complained as he tried to fight the guard off.

"Sir, please don't fight me, or I'll charge you with resisting arrest." The guard said.

"This is ludicrous!" Saiki shouted.

"Hands behind your back sir," the guard said, ignoring Saiki's protests.

"No, back off! Get your hands off me!"

"I'm going to read you your rights," the guard said as he grabbed Saiki's other hand and cuffed it behind his back. "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and _will_ be used against you in the court of law."

"No, I'm innocent!" Saiki screamed. The guard ignored him. "You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford one, then you will not have one during your trial."

He led Saiki away, as the other guard arrested Jim.

"But—but I didn't do anything!" Jim cried.

"You are being arrested for refusing to pay your taxes and you are wanted for selling illegal catnip to under aged kittens." The guard informed the distraught peasant, as another frisked Jim and pulled a small plastic baggy out of his back pocket and sniffed it.

"Catnip," he confirmed and looked at Jim for an answer as the other cuffed him. Jim's eyes widened as though to say _oh 'shit!'_

"It's not mine, I swear!" he squeaked as the guard led him away and read him his rights.

Saiki and Jim were lead to the dungeons, where they were uncuffed and both tossed into a cell and locked in. Saiki stared after the guards as they left, trying to comprehend what had just happened. As the shock began to wear off, he realized that one, Kamui's crown had been stolen by Prince John, and second, he had just been arrested for treason against the prince, and for having a pair of coconut halves in his possession. Once he came to this realization he could only say three words, "What the feck?!"

TBC

Will Saiki and Jim be able to afford an anterny? What _is_ Subaru's great plan? And will they make it in time to save Saiki? Find out in the next exciting chapter of _X: Men in Tights and the Quest for the Holy Grail_!!


	3. Chapter 3

_Disclaimer: Alas my undying love for Clamp hasn't been enough to earn me the right to take credit for their characters. Ah well, I guess I'll have to make due with Kakyou and Kamui, who at this very moment are tied up in my closet, praying that the next time they see daylight, they won't beforced to join me in anymore of my weirdo adventures and shinaniggens. (Did I speel that right?)_

_On a boat in the middle of the ocean…_

It had been two days since Subaru and Kamui had woken up on a boat sailing for a prison somewhere overseas with them and three other inmates in the cargo hold. When we last saw these two downtrodden young men, they were being sized up by their three charming, large and menacing looking inmates like lunch, and after hearing Kamui's story, Subaru came up with a plan of escape. Now we find our heroes huddled together, bidding their time until they could escape. Let us watch…

"So, what you're saying is that this Sakurazukamori guy was a friend of yours?"

"I really wouldn't call him a friend…" Suabaru muttered, shifting uncomfortably under the young king's scrutinizing gaze.

"Then what would you call him?" Kamui pressed, eyeing the squirming mage like a hungry leopard stalking its prey.

"A… person…" Subaru mumbled the rest under his breath.

"What?" Kamui demanded and cuffed a hand over one of his ears and leaned closer to Subaru. "We can't hear you."

Suabru glared, "I said he's more than just a friend!" He snapped, and Kamui smirked with glee.

"There, now was that so bad?" He asked, grinning from ear to ear at the green eyed mage, who promptly returned it with a sulking pout.

"Yes, it was," Subaru complained, and turned and pointed to the shorter man of the three in front of them, who was missing his teeth. "How come he didn't have to answer you?"

Kamui looked at the man with missing teeth then back at Subaru with an '_isn't it obvious?'_ look.

"Because, Moose is very sensitive about his missing teeth," He whispered, gesturing to the man with no teeth, who continued to stare at the two bishis like they were fresh meat.

Subaru sweat-dropped, "How does that figure?"

"Because he doesn't talk," Kamui answered matter-of-factly.

"But neither do Timothy and Bob," Subaru pointed out, pointing first at the bald man with half of an ear missing, then to the extremely hairy man in the middle.

Kamui paused at this information, "That's true."

Just then, they heard hurried foot steps and shouting above them. Kamui frowned, "What's going on?"

Subaru frowned as well and shrugged, "Your guess is as good as mine."

As they strained to hear what the crew above them was saying, the door leading up to the deck opened, spilling bright light in the small dimly light holding cargo hold that the five inmates were in. The prisoners flinched and shielded their eyes as best as they could, Kamui hissed like a cat and Subaru groaned as he began to feel a headache coming on.

A crew member ducked through the door and called, "Good news ladies, we've reached the prison!"

Kamui blinked as his eyes began to adjust to the light of day and asked, "What time is it?"

The crew member snorted, "Why, it's not like it'll matter to you anyway. You'll be wasting away in a cell for a while, now won't you?"

Kamui opened his mouth to reply but Subaru shot the crew man a glare and snapped, "Either unchain us and take us up, or get out and close the door!"

The crew member narrowed his eyes and stuck his tongue out at him and called for back up. Four others met him and they descended down into the cargo hold. The first crew member stopped at Kamui and smirked, "Hey love, how's the brutes been treatin' ya?"

Kamui narrowed his eyes but didn't answer as the crew mate crackled at his own words and unlocked his shackles from the large log in the middle and dragged him to his feet. He let out a yelp as his legs—which haven't been used in two days—gave out from under him. The crew members ignored him and dragged him out as the man moved to Subaru.

"Looks like you survived as well, eh Mr. Sakurazukamori?" He snickered, as Subaru gave him a look of death, but he too stayed quiet. Both he and Kamui had already learned that the crew members found their shouts hilarious and decided that they would refuse to give them the satisfaction of hearing them shout their complaints. Sadly, it didn't stop the crew mates from trying to egg them on every time they saw them.

The man unchained Subaru and jerked him up and passed him to a crew mate behind him as he moved on to 'Moose'. Like Kamui, Subaru stumbled and was ignored and dragged up to the deck where he blinked in the sun light. Once his eyes adjusted, he looked up to see four huge black stone towers looming before them. They all had to be at least nine stories tall! They were arranged in a square formation and connected by four five story black stone walls. A few barred windows dotted the tower's walls, and he spotted a few crows perched up on the lower ones as they surveyed the people below. A metal gate guarded the only entrance, with four guards on each side of it, standing at attention side by side. They watched a line of new inmates like hawks as they shuffled past them.

As he watched them, one thing flitted through Subaru's mind. _'Wow, what a dump.'_

"Oi, start moving," The crew mate who had to stand guard of him snapped, and shoved him after Kamui as the other crew members led 'Timathy', 'Bob', and 'Moose' single file off the boat ramp. Subaru stumbled but quickly caught himself and fell in behind Kamui, shooting a killing glance over his shoulder.

The five inmates shuffled off the boat and stopped for a minute as two other inmates shuffled up behind Subaru. One had short blond hair and greenish blue eyes that shone with mischief and a slight smile to match. He was about Subaru's height, with an average build. He wore a brown cloak and a tan shirt and pants that looked like they had seen better days. His companion was a few inches shorter than the blond, with long tangled brown hair. He looked like he was knocking on death's door; just skin and bones. His clothes where that of a peasant's, raggedy and filthy with who knows what, and just barely hanging on his pathetic looking frame.

The blond fell into place behind Subaru, his friend trailing along behind him. Subaru turned his head a bit to get a better look at the two prisoners. The blond smiled pleasantly at him.

"Hello," he said in a cheerful whisper.

"Hey," Subaru whispered back, a slight blush staining his cheeks at being caught. The blond ignored his embarrassment, "So, what are you in for?"

Subaru snorted, "I was wrongly accused of being a mass murderer."

The blond gave a grimaced, "Bad luck."

"You could say that again," Subaru muttered, clenching his hand in a tight fist as he thought of the _real_ killer getting away and probably laughing at Subaru's bad fortune.

"Berney here stole from a little old woman," The blond said, then shook his head sadly, "Poor bugger, didn't stand a chance against the old woman's purse of bricks."

"He's in here just for that?" Subaru asked in surprise.

The blond nodded, "Yep."

"Well that's preposterous!" Subaru hissed. Before the blond could say any more, they began shuffling to the draw gate. The blond frowned and shifted his gaze to his pitiful looking companion, whose gaze was stuck on a crack in the ground as though it was the most interesting thing in the world.

They passed the eight guards without incident, and were separated into groups of three, 'Timothy', 'Moose', and 'Bob' in one group, Kamui, Suabru, and the blond young man in another. The blond waved to Berney as the pitiful man was herded with two others to a different tower by a grim looking guard. He leaned in close the Subaru's ear and muttered grimly, "Poor bloke won't stand a chance." Subaru and Kamui kind of felt sorry for the little guy, but they soon turned their attentions to a smiling guard standing behind a podium, holding a feathered quill in one hand, who beckoned them over to him.

"Hello, hello!" He cried cheerfully as they stopped in front of the podium. The three young men waved a 'hello' and sweat dropped. "Welcome! Welcome…to your dungeon!"

The trio sweat dropped again, wondering who thought to hire this idiot in a prison. The guard ignored their looks and introduced himself, "Hello! I'm Falafel…maitre de dungeon. Please allow me to show you to your cell." He quickly shooed them to a staircase to their right, "Come, come!"

Then he took the lead and banged his head against the top of the stair way entrance. "Ouch!" He rubbed his fore head and turned to his group, "Duck, I always forget about that."

The blond leaned in closer to Kamui and Subaru after the guard continued leading them up the stairs and murmured, "Where'd they find this blockhead?"

The young king and mage shrugged as they followed the idiotic guard to the next floor, where he spun around and clapped his hands together once. "I'm sorry, but I just remembered, we can't seat you without the proper attire."

"That's okay," the blond said instantly as Falafel turned and rummaged through a closet. "We'll just go home and get the proper attire and come back."

"Ah, here we are," Falafel exclaimed as he held up three black false beards. He put one on each of them and stepped back to admire his handy work. "See?"

Kamui twitched his nose, trying to stop himself from sneezing as the beard tickled his nose. Subaru pouted at how his life couldn't get anymore humiliating and the blond just scowled.

"That's much better," Falafel said happily and led them over to a crabby burly looking guard. "Now, I leave you in the capable hands of Muktor, he's our head guard," he gestured to the burly guard beside him. Then leaned in and whispered, "Please, it's better if you cooperate with him. He's a tough guy."

One glance at Muktor was enough to convince the trio that Falafel wasn't kidding. Falafel then straightened up and said in a happy normal voice, "If there's anything you require, please don't hesitate to scream!" And as his said that, there was a snap of a whip and an anguished scream followed, making the trio cringe in unison. "Coming!" Falafel called in a sunshine happy voice. "We're _soo_ busy!"

And with that he bounced off, leaving Kamui and the gang to the mercy of Muktor. Kamui looked up at the imitating guard and gulped. The guard glared back at them and said crossly, "Follow me."

He led them to an office with a scratched up desk piled with papers, and three chairs facing it. Muktor went to the desk and sat down. When he saw the three inmates shifting idly from foot to foot he snapped, "Sit down!"

They jumped and ran to the three seats and sat down quickly, as though playing musical chairs. Muktor shuffled through a pile of papers, making the uncomfortable young men shift uneasily in their chairs. When he found what he was looking for he looked up and fixed them with a piercing gaze.

"Yuto Kigai?"

The blond gulped and hesitantly raised his hand. "Here."

Muktor nodded curtly, "Kamui Shiro?"

"Here," Kamui answered in a shaky voice. Muktor nodded again and looked at his papers again.

"Seishiro Sakurazuka?"

"I AM _NOT_SEISHIRO SAKURAZUKA!!!" Subaru screamed, his voice echoing clear as a bell throughout the prison. Even people who where fifty miles away could hear him clearly. Muktor glared at him. "That's not what the papers say."

"Well the papers were wrong! I'm Subaru Sumeragi!" Subaru exclaimed in exasperation. "I was arrested because those idiots thought I was Seishiro."

Muktor looked as though he couldn't careless why the abused mage was arrested, or if he was innocent or not. "Look, I don't give a rat's ass if you're innocent or what you were arrested for, I just follow what the papers tell me. And what they tell me is that you _are_ Sakurazuka. You _are_ a mass murderer, and you _will_ serve out a life sentence here."

At his words, Subaru's face whitened as the blood drained from it. His mouth hung open in a silent scream and his eyes stared blankly ahead of him. Muktor then turned to Kamui, who slide lower in his seat. "You Shiro are also here to serve a life sentence for treason against your king, along with resisting arrest."

Kamui groaned and bumped his head against the back of his chair. Muktor moved on to Yuto. "You, Kigai, were captured yes?"

Yuto nodded. "Then where is your king?" Muktor demanded.

Yuto raised an eye brow then asked innocently. "And which king would that be? King Richard? King Louis? King Kong?" Then his face turned smug. "Larry King?"

Muktor narrowed his eyes at the blond. "Just answer the question, Impertinent English Dog."

"Oh, like you should talk." Yuto retorted, as Muktor's English accent was unmistakeable. Muktor glared daggers at Yuto that made Kamui winced at the sheer force of anger in his look. "Tell me right now!"

Yuto folded his arms across his chest and leaned back in his chair. "I don't think so."

Kamui turned to the currently catatonic mage for help, only to find that he still hadn't snapped out of his shock at hearing that thanks to Seishiro, he was now going to waste away in a gloomy dump of a prison, and be passed around the inmates for the rest of his life. The shock seemed so over whelming, that he even forgot about his own escape plan that he and Kamui had created on the boat.

Meanwhile, Yuto and Muktor's arguing was pushing the head guard's last buttons. In fact, he was so outraged by now that a subordinate was rushed in, trying to calm him down and settle the matter without any blood shed. Sadly for him, Yuto was cutting his work out for him.

"Just answer the bleeding question!" Muktor roared, banging his fists on his desk.

Yuto smiled sweetly, "What's the magic word?"

"Please?" The lower ranked guard begged the smug looking blond.

"Please what?" Yuto asked, making both the timid guard and Kamui flinch. Finally, Kamui had had enough. Before any of the guards could answer, he shouted at the top of his lungs, "JUST ANSWER THE BLOODY QUESTION!!!"

Yuto pouted at him, "Aw, come on, it was just getting fun…"

Kamui scowled at him. "Look you; you can enrage the guards when we're not around! Despite my situation, I would like to live my miserable life with as little chaos as necessary!"

Yuto sighed dramatically, and shrugged, "I'm not talking, because I don't know where his is. I was out fighting in the crusades when I received word that Prince John has stolen the throne of England. I rushed to get back home when I was captured by his men and charged with helping illegal immigrants into France, and resisting arrest as I tried to explain myself."

Kamui stared at Yuto with a disbelieving look. _'Why couldn't he have just said that in the first place?'_Apparently Muktor was thinking the same thing.

"You are here to serve out another life sentence." He snapped.

"What?" Yuto shouted, jumping up from his chair. "That can't be, being caught for helping illegal immigrants into France has a maximum punishment of imprisonment up to a year, and resisting arrest had a maximum sentence of a few weeks!"

Muktor smiled evilly, "Well, since you p!ssed me off, you'll be serving a life sentence with your little friends here," he gestured to Kamui and Subaru. Yuto opened his mouth to argue, but no words came out. Muktor's evil smile widened as he called for Falafel to take them to their cell.

Falafel seemed ecstatic that they were going to be sticking around for what he said was 'an extended period of time'. He lead them down a flight of stairs to the basement, with Yuto trailing absentmindedly, and Kamui dragging his feet behind him, and Subaru, who became animated enough to follow aimlessly behind them and bring up the rear.

Falafel came to a large wooden door and halted them long enough to open it and usher them in, babbling about some nonsense of them becoming best friends and how they were going to just love their stay at the prison (this comment was enough to jolt Subaru back to reality and utter a horrified squeak).

"Well, this is your cell," the cheerful guard said happily. The three prisoners surveyed their new little living quarters with little interest. It was an "L" shaped room with a low ceiling. The walls were lined with stone benches; the west wall also had a small barred window that was so close to the ceiling that they couldn't see anything out of it except for a bottom portion of a brick wall, indicating that they were under ground. On the floor were four metal bars linked together in a square that were about a foot off the ground and separated two feet from the benches. They saw that there were five other inmates in the cell. Two sat on the west bench, their ankles chained to the bar in front of them. They were dirty and had long hair that looked as though they hadn't combed it in years (which was very likely) and long beards (some of them fake). Two other men occupied the east benched and were also shackled by their ankles to the poll in front of them and didn't look any better either.

The other man sat on the north bench. He too was tied to the rail before him, but he looked better that the others. He was dressed in robes of red and tan, with different strip patterns on it that looked clean and new. He wore a rounded hat with the same design, and his skin was the darkest that Kamui, Subaru, and Yuto had ever seen. His face had the beginnings of a black beard, and he had a large nose. He smiled and waved at them when they entered.

"Well, here we are," Falafel said again. "Let's see… we'll put you… on the north bench, shall we?" He led them over to the bench, where they sat down next to the dark man and Falafel attached them to the bar. When he was finished he straightened up and rubbed his hands together, "Well, I better get going. I'll be back to check on you in a few minutes, to make sure you're settling in okay. Until then, tu da lu!"

And with that said he bounced off and closed and locked the door behind him. Kamui waited until he was sure that Falafel was gone before saying, "Okay, seriously, whose idea was it to hire _that _fruit loop?"

All that the other inmates could do was shrug, for even they couldn't understand why a prison would employ such an airhead for a guard.

*~*~*~*

_Meanwhile, in a dungeon in England…_

Saiki was very confused indeed by the strange events that have happened to him in the past few days. First, as he and Kamui were fighting, he was snatched up by a giant paragon falcon, then just hours later, he was joined by the village peasant, Jim. After almost two hours, they finally land, but instead of landing in the giant bird of prey's lair and being devoured they land in the court yard of a castle. And Saiki found himself being charged with conspiring against a Prince John, carrying illegal weapons with the intent of harming another person, and the possession of an illegal food (which the illegal weapons and food in question were two coconut halves that he had been carrying around), and resisting arrest. His coconuts and a baggy of catnip (confiscated from Jim) were taken as evidence. Then he was tossed in the dungeons with Jim and left alone for two days, the only contact from the outside world came from the guards who silently fed them gruel three times a day.

On this third day, Saiki spent his time like he had the last couple of days, which consisted of going through and rewinding the events of the past few days and trying to find out where he went wrong, pacing the length of the cell that he and Jim shared, making escape plans that he realized wouldn't work, and banging his head between two bars as Jim droned on and on with his useless babble. Right now he was currently banging his head between two bars with his right eye twitching as Jim ranted about breakfast cereal.

"I mean, if you're that desperate for a bowl of marshmallow cereal why not just _go_ to a store and _buy_a box of bloody Lucky Charms and stop badgering every leprecon who has a box?" Jim demanded shaking his fists in the air, and ignoring Saiki's attempts to put himself in a coma. "Just stop pestering the poor bugger and cough up the cash to buy your own box or just go without. I mean, enough is enough."

Saiki continued his assault, his eye twitch becoming more rapid, all the while repeating in his head _'shut up. Shut up. SHUT UP!!'_ And from the looks on the two guards posted at the dungeon entrance, he guessed they were thinking the same thing.

"And what's the deal with that wolf and the cookie cereal," Jim continued, making Saiki wish that something or _someone_would just give him something to shut the ranting peasant up with. "He should just get a job and go buy the damn cereal instead of racking up a never ending hospital bill from all of his stupid failed attempts to steal a breakfast cereal from a bunch of kids. Or maybe he should just admit that he _has_ a problem and either go see a therapist, or go steal something worth while, like robbing a bank or a jewelry store!"

Finally, Saiki reached his boiling point, "SHUT UP!" he screamed, making both the two guards outside their cell and Jim jump. "I can't take it anymore! Just shut up!"

"But—"

"No," Saiki snarled grabbing a hold of Jim's shirt collar in both hands. "Don't say anything! If I hear another word come out of your mouth I swear I'll grab a spear and impale you with it!"

Jim opened his mouth to say something but Saiki shook him roughly before he could. "I said, not another word! Not even a sound, or so help me god, I _will_ impale you!"

Jim closed his mouth and Saiki to a deep shaky breath to compose himself. "Now," He said in a calm even voice, "You are just going to sit _quietly _in that corner over there," he gestured to the back corner to his right. "You will not say anything until I say you can, and even then you will answer in short, sweet, and to the point answers, understand?"

Jim bobbed his head furiously. "Good," Saiki said lightly and let him go. "Now go sit in your corner over there and be quiet."

Jim did as he was told and huddled in the corner, watching Saiki fearfully. Saiki ignored the frightened glances and turned back to the barred door and leaned against it, sighing with relief as silence flooded the room. He looked up and spotted the two guards watching him uncertainly. He scowled, "What are you looking at?"

The guards squeaked and flinched at his voice. "Go guard something and bugger off!" Saiki snapped and the guards both rushed out of the room, whimpering as they went. "Idiots," he muttered and again went back to leaning his head against the cool bars and closed his eyes to think.

He wished he hadn't come with Kamui on his stupid quest to find a bunch of stupid knights to join them in Kamui's stupid court of Camelot. Then he wouldn't have been forced to carry their entire stupid luggage, and be ignored as he was dying of stupid thirst, and kidnapped by a stupid possessive over grown flying chicken, and then arrested for carrying two stupid coconut halves. Yes, the world seemed pretty much at fault for Saiki's misfortune.

Saiki sighed, and thought sarcastically, _'Well, it can't get any worse…'_

Oh, poor abused Saiki. If only he hadn't said that, because now the author is hard at work at making things even worse (insert evil cackle). Behind him Jim was starting to fidget. He desperately wanted to tell Saiki that the guards he had scared away had left the keys to their cell just within their reach, but Saiki's threat to impale him with a spear stopped him, he was sure Saiki would kill him before he could even get a full sentence out. But the more he stayed silent, the more he fidgeted and squirmed, and the more the words pushed to be let out.

Meanwhile, Saiki was unaware of Jim's inner torment. He was deep in his own thoughts, trying to think of a plan to escape.

'_Hm…'_ he thought,_ 'maybe I can have Jim fake a stomach ache. As he's moaning and groaning on the ground, the guards will rush in and see what the problem is. Then, as they're distracted by Jim, I'll come up behind them and—no, wait. They take our bowls away right after we've finished our meals. Blast,'_ He frowned as he thought up another plan. _'Okay, what if Jim plays dead, then, when the guards come in to inspect him; I'll make a mad dash for the exit. Yes, that's perfect!' _Saiki smiled but then a frown quickly reappeared. _'Wait, Jim can't play dead, he never shuts up or sits still long enough to even listen to a two minute conversation! Oh… bugger!'_

As he mentally racked his brain, he didn't notice the enraged shouting that was coming from the hall until the door to the dungeon slammed open to reveal the dark bearded man in black and silver standing in the door way with his hands on his hips and the two guards Saiki had scared away cowering behind him. Both Saiki and Jim jumped as the door swung open.

The bearded man was seething with malice as he stomped up to Saiki and fixed him with a killing look. "What meaning the this is?!" he sputtered in outrage.

Saiki and Jim frowned in confusion and they both asked "What?"

Jim squeaked and covered his mouth with both hands and looked quickly at Saiki to see if he had noticed. He didn't, he was too preoccupied with the man in his face to even take any notice of Jim's accidental outburst.

The man gritted his teeth and cleared his throat before repeating, "What is the meaning of this?"

Saiki was now thoroughly confused, "Meaning of what?"

"Who are you to give orders to _my_ men?!"

Saiki sweat dropped, "What, telling them to bugger off? That wasn't an order."

"Then why did they say they were running through the halls on _your_ orders?!" The man demanded.

Saiki shrugged, "Because they're idiots?"

"And who gave you permission to take advantage of their idiocy?" The man snapped.

Saiki frowned, "I just told them to mind their own business. It's not _my_ fault they ran away crying."

The man's face began to turn red with fury, and his eyes seemed to bulge. For a second, Saiki thought he was going to pop a blood vein or die of a heart attack. One of the cowering guards hesitantly stepped forward. "Uh, M-Mr. Sheriff of R-Rottingham sir?"

"What is it?!" Rottingham snarled, making the two subordinates cringe back as though he'd just slapped them.

"W-well y-y-you see sir—"

"Wait my lady!"

Everyone's attention snapped to the doorway where they heard the voices of women arguing, and they seemed to be coming closer.

"Not _now _Broomhilde," a tired and slightly annoyed voice snapped. "If he even _thinks_ for one minute that I'll just stand aside quietly while he keeps arresting my servants for petty things, he's in for a rude awakening!"

"But milady, Trevor has already been executed!" the one called Broomhilde tried to reason in a heavy German accent.

"I know that! That's why when I find him—"

Suddenly the two arguing women burst through the door and the woman who was talking swept her eyes across the room until they landed on the Sheriff of Rottingham and narrowed. "You!"

The Sheriff smiled a sickeningly pleasant smile at her. "Yes my dear?"

"What right do you have to arrest my servants?" She demanded.

Saiki peered at the angry maiden and her very large maid. The maiden looked to be about seventeen and about five foot four. She was slim, and wore a pair of black framed glasses. Her hair was black and just over shoulder length and pulled back in a low ponytail. Her gray eyes looked at the Sheriff with a look that could kill.

"You," she hissed at him. "I have a bone to pick with you!"

The Sheriff's sickeningly pleasant smile widened. "Yes, Lady Satsuki?"

"Why was Trevor arrested? What was his crime?" Satsuki demanded icily. Her tone made Saiki and Jim wince. The Sheriff of Rottingham seemed unaffected and replied in a smooth voice, "I don't believe you should be putting any unnecessary stress on yourself over a mere servant and his crimes Lady Satsuki."

Lady Satsuki narrowed her eyes to mere slits. "Sheriff, you burst into _my_ servant's sleeping quarters and arrested _my_ servant without informing him _or_ myself of his crimes. Then you proceed to execute him without a trial! I demand an answer and an apology and replacements!"

The Sheriff raised his eye brows, "Replacements?" He repeated disbelievingly, "My dear Lady Satsuki, I believe I only arrested _one_ of your servants."

"No, you also arrested and executed at least three more of my servants before this one," Lady Satsuki snarled, her hands balling into fists now. "And now I want at least two new ones, plus an explanation and an apology."

The loathsome man shook his head in fake sympathy. "My apologies my lady, but we have no more extra servants at this time."

Satsuki glowered at him. "Bull."

"I speak only the truth," he said calmly.

Satsuki's eyes swept the dungeon cells and stopped on Saiki and Jim's cell. She studied both men with a critical eye. The brunette looked decent; though his cloths looked a little scuffled. The other one looked so grungy that she was sure Broomhilde would have a conniption fit. His cloths were disgusting, and his face and red hair were covered in dirt, but she was confident that a bath and a change of cloths would work miracles for him.

"What about them?" she demanded, pointing at the two prisoners.

Rottingham's face dropped and he fought to keep himself composed. "Them who?"

Satsuki's eyes flashed, making Saiki and Jim flinch at their intensity. "Are trying to be funny, Mister Rottingham?" She demanded hotly. Her sudden words made Rottingham take a step back. "Wha-what?"

"Do you think I'm stupid? Is that what you're implying?" She demanded again.

"No, of course not," Rottingham said quickly.

"Then when I ask you about something answer it!" Satsuki shouted, making everyone but the large maid flinch. Then in a calmer voice she repeated the question. "Now, what about those two nice young gentlemen behind you?"

Rottingham narrowed his eyes, "These two filthy dogs are awaiting trial."

"And what are their 'crimes'?" Satsuki asked, not even bothering to hide the sarcasm in her voice when she said the last word.

"Lady Satsuki, I must insist that you needn't bother with these two." Rottingham said quickly. "Criminals don't make good servants, and it wouldn't be fair to let these two go free when so many others have not."

Satsuki began to look annoyed, "I believe I didn't ask you for your opinion Sheriff. I asked you what their crimes were."

Rottingham gritted his teeth. "One was caught for failure to pay his taxes and for selling cat nip to under aged kittens and also had cat nip on him at the time of arrest."

"And the other one?"

Rottingham's teeth started to grind at the thought of Satsuki getting her way and both Saiki and Jim going scot free. "The other was arrested for conspiring against the Prince and possession of illegal food items and a dangerous weapon. We're also thinking about adding resisting arrest to the list," he added.

Satsuki rolled her eyes. "That's it? What was the illegal food item?"

"Coconuts," the sheriff answered.

"And the illegal weapon?"

"Coconuts!" Rottingham snapped Satsuki's brutal questioning was wearing his patience.

Satsuki's eyes widened with shock and then flashed with fury. "WHAT?!"

Saiki and Jim quickly backed against the wall of their cell, trembling with fear at the woman's sudden change of mood. The guards quickly backed away from Satsuki and Broomhilde with the same expressions.

Saiki was starting to desperately wish that he was back with Kamui and carrying all of their junk on their stupid quest for knights to join his round table. Instead, he was here and about to face the wrath of the beautiful but terrifying Lady Satsuki.

*~*~*

_Back with Kamui, Subaru, and Yuto..._

Yuto slumped against the wall and sighed. "Well how could it get any worse?"

"Don't say that!" Subaru hissed.

Yuto raised an eye brow. "Why?"

"Because, it's like saying "Oh that'll never happen' and then it happens!" Subaru snapped, as he was speaking out of personal experience.

Yuto rolled his eyes, "Oh _please_. Don't tell me you believe in silly superstitions like that. I thought you were more level headed than that."

"Er, Yuto." Kamui started uneasily, "I really think you should listen to Subaru."

Yuto snorted, "Okay, seriously you guys this is getting pretty pathetic. Just because I say something doesn't mean it's going to happen."

"Yes it will," Subaru said coolly. "Things like that always happen in some shape or form!"

Yuto gave them a spiteful smirk. "Oh really? Then I guess I shouldn't say 'Things can't get any worse.'"

Kamui flinched, "Yuto—stop!"

Yuto ignored him, "Or how about 'I'll never get hit in the head with a shovel.'"

Subaru cupped his hands against his ears. "I'm not listening. I'm not listening!" Subaru chanted. "I can't hear you!"

"What's the worst that can happen?" Yuto taunted.

"Seriously Yuto, stop it!" Kamui pleaded.

But before Yuto could say anything else, the door slammed open to reveal Muktor and a bald round man, carrying what looked like metal gripers. They stepped through the doorway and into to room. Muktor inclined his head at Yuto and the round man scurried over to Yuto, unlocked his shackles and led him to an unoccupied bench and sat him down. Muktor strunted over to them and looked Yuto in the eye, and Yuto met his gaze with a defiant expression.

Subaru leaned towards Kamui and muttered, "See, I told him something would happen!" Kamui nodded his head in agreement.

Muktor leaned toward Yuto. "Tell me, were is your king?"

Yuto sighed, hadn't they already established that he didn't know where his king was? "I don't know," he said in an annoyed tone.

"Oh, I believe you do," Muktor said smoothly.

"Oh, I believe I don't," Yuto said sarcastically. Muktor narrowed his eyes. "You will tell me where your king is!"

"_I_don't think so." Yuto answered and crossed his arms over his chest. Kamui, Subaru, and their bench mate watched Yuto anxiously.

"You will tell me where your king is!" Muktor growled.

"I _don't think_so." Yuto answered again.

Muktor glowered at him and motioned to the round man. "Churchim, the tongue looseners, please." The other inmates gasped in horror, some covered their eyes.

Churchim stepped in front of Yuto and stuck the pliers-like tool in Yuto's mouth and clamped it around his tongue and started to pull it out slowly. As he pulled Yuto's smug expression changed from smug to wide eyed surprise and pain. He began making unintelligible screams and wildly waved his arms as the round man stretched his tongue almost six inches, before finally letting it go. Once his tongue snapped back in his mouth Yuto slapped his hands over his mouth and mumbled something unintelligible.

Muktor smiled triumphantly. "Want to start talking?"

Yuto glared and shook his head violently. Muktor's smile disappeared and he gestured to Churchim and started speaking to him in Muslim. Yuto turned to Churchim when Muktar finished and asked in a slur, "Wats he saying?"

The round man hesitated then took him by the arm, shaking his head, "You don't want to know."

Muktor stomped out of the dungeon as Churchim led Yuto back to his spot and shackled him to the metal bar again and left them for a moment. Kamui and Subaru were looking at him with wide eyes.

"See, I told not to say things like that!" Subaru hissed. Yuto rolled his eyes, "Whatever."

The black man sitting next to Yuto smiled at him, "You're pretty brave for a not home-boy."

Yuto inclined his head, "Thanks."

"I have been here for a while," He continued, "Perhaps I can of a service to you. Do you have any questions?"

The trio thought about it. Then Kamui nodded, "What are you in here for?"

The man's face dropped to one of annoyance and he replied reluctantly, "Jay walking."

The three nodded solemnly, already knowing the feeling of being cheated by the justice system. "I see," Subaru mumbled and looked around and sighed. "It won't be easy getting out of here. What we need is a great feat of strength."

The African native raised a thoughtful eye brow, "A feat of strength?" He was silent as he pondered this for a moment before exclaiming in delight, "Au contraire!"

The trio started slightly at his sudden out-burst. The man said excitedly, "Now that the three of you are here with me, what we have is _great strength of feet_!"

Yuto frowned, "Don't follow." The other two nodded in agreement. The man gestured to them, "Just do as I do." He put both of his feet on the bar. "Put your feet on the bar," He instructed, "Both feet." Kamui, Subaru and Yuto did as he said.

"Now on the count of kick, we push," The man said. Subaru frowned and opened his open to ask if he heard him right when the man said, "Kick!"

The four men heaved with all of their strength and the bar broke free from the wall. They cheered, unable to believe that they were free. But their cheers were cut short at Churchim's voice, "What was that noise?"

Their faces turned horrified as they hastily pulled the bar back to the wall before Churchim rounded the corner to find the bar as it had been. He demanded again, "What was that noise?"

The man next to Yuto fumbled, "Noise? Oh, the noise you just heard was the terrible breaking of this poor man's heart," He said sorrowfully, gesturing to Yuto. Yuto blinked and looked at him in confusion. Kamui scowled as elbowed him in the ribs.

"Ow!" Yuto snapped and glared at Kamui. Kamui glared back at him and nodded to Churchim anxiously. "Oh," Yuto said, revelation unfolding before him. He then clenched his chest, "Yes, that's it!" Then he wailed pitifully, "Oh my heart!"

"What?" The large man demanded.

The man next to Yuto was quick to answer him, "He's decided to save his own life by betraying his king," he said sadly. Subaru shook his head shamefully while Kamui tsked.

Yuto covered his eyes with the back of one of his hands and groaned, "Damm my eyes!"

The man shooed Churchim, "Quick! Go tell your superiors before he changes his mind!"

Subaru and Kamui nodded encouragingly. Churchim's face was full of awe, "By the love of Allah! This is a wonderful thing!"

The four inmates nodded impatiently, "Go!"

Churchim turned and started heading for the door excitedly; he continued talking over his shoulder. "It will mean a big promotion for me!"

The four inmates shook their heads encouragingly, "Go!"

Churchim stopped before the stairs leading to the door way, "Good new is always rewarded!"

"Please, go!" The man next to Yuto pleaded. Churchim ran up the stairs and through the doorway. Once he had disappeared, the inmates started to move the bar.

"On the other hand…"

The quartet yanked the bar back in place just as Churchim's head poked around the door. They sat over acting as though nothing had happened.

"Bad news is severely punished." He hesitated in the doorway before shrugging the thought off and hurrying off to inform his superiors of his good news. The quartet waited for a few seconds.

"Now's our chance," Subaru said quickly. The African native nodded eagerly, "Quick, follow me!" He jumped up and said to Subaru, "You get that chain, I'll get this one."

Subaru also jumped up and grabbed the chain the man had indicated and the two of them pulled the chains, which, conincidently just happened the link all of the prisoners in the room to their bars, and freed everyone.

The whole room erupted with roars of glee. Everyone rose from their benches and cheered.

"I'm free!"

"You're free!"

"I'm going home!"

Then everyone worked together. They took their old chains and swung them up to the window and hooked them to who knows what and started climbing up the wall. The first ones up lifted the window bars allowing the others to escape. Once up Subaru and Yuto regrouped with Kamui and the African native and they escaped together. When everyone was out, they dropped the window after them and headed off.

Churchim came skidding into the now empty dungeon yelling, "I told them the good news and…" He stopped when he saw that no one was there. "And… I'm in deep shit."

*~*~*~*

The quartet were now standing on a beach, laughing and celebrating their new-found freedom. The sun was shining, the breeze was light, the camel jockeys were out practicing for their upcoming race, and Kamui and Subaru and Yuto have just got done telling their friend about how they desperately needed to return to England.

The man nodded as they finished, "It is a very long journey from Africa to England, my friends."

Kamui and the others nodded, "Well," Yuto said, "We all owe you a debt of gratitude. My name is Yuto Kigai."

"I'm called Subaru Sumeragi."

"And I'm Kamui Shiro."

The man smiled, "My name is Asneeze," he shook Yuto's hand. "Father of Achoo."

"Bless you," Kamui, Subaru, and Yuto said.

"No, no, no. Achoo is my son," Asneeze explained, "He's in England, your country." The trio gave him a puzzled look. "He's an exchange student."

They nodded in understanding.

"I wonder is I could ask you to do something for me," Asneeze asked.

Kamui smiled and nodded, "Sure, what do you need?"

"I would like it if you could look after him," Asneeze pulled out a old worn photo and handed it to Yuto. The three Britons peered at it. Asneeze's son wasn't as dark as Asneeze. He wore a purple and green turban and baggy robes.

As they examined the photo Asneese continued, "He is in need of guidance. He is headstrong and cocksure." He paused, "or is it the other way around?"

Yuto stuffed the photo into his pocket and smirked at Asneeze, "Say no more. I vow on the sacred word of Kigai." Subaru and Kamui frowned. They felt a long winded vow coming on. "I give you my undying pledge… my solemn oath on my father's honor, on the blood of my heart… on the word of my soul—"

"Good, good, good," Asneeze said quickly, "You must go now, or you'll miss the tide."

Yuto turned and looked at the shore and nodded, "Well, farewell, my friend, and not worry. We'll find Achoo."

And with that he wheeled around ran to the shore-line and started wallowing through the surf to make the long swim back to England. What an idiot. Kamui and Subaru sweat dropped.

"Er, isn't he aware of that boat over there that's going _to_England?" Kamui asked in a disbelieving tone.

"Apparently not," Subaru answered in the same tone.

"Do you think we should tell him?"

"Nah," Subaru said, "If he wants to take the hard way, then let him." He then turned to Asneeze and bowed. "Thanks again, my friend. Don't worry, we'll make sure to find Achoo _and _Yuto."

And with that, the white mage and the young king dashed for the ship that was about to set sail for England.

Asneeze stood waving to all three of them, "Goodbye my friends! Farewell! Safe journey!"

*~*~*~*

_What's in store for Saiki and Jim? If Satsuki wins them their freedom in exchange for being her servants, would they be safer with Rottingham? Will Kamui, Subaru, and Yuto find Achoo? _All these answers and more in the next chapter!

Hey, sorry I haven't updated in almost forever! I couldn't write during the summer because I didn't have access to a computer that worked. And when I finally get back to school, I had to have a two week wait to get my laptop, and when I finally got it I started having troubles. Turns out, they put too much crap on our computers and they started screwing up. The people in charge of the laptops couldn't help me, and after a while when my computer started deleting things off my flash drive that had been saved since last year I was too afraid to trust my laptop with my chapters until now.


	4. Chapter 4

_Disclaimer: I do not own X, and though I do not agree with this fact, my mommy told me that I am not to steal anything from Clamp. Little does she know of the secret trap door under my bed that contains a bound Kamui and Subaru with nothing but a bag of peanuts, yaoi manga, and a case of Dr. Pepper to keep them company. *Ninja shifty eyes* I mean…she is so right! *Then in a not so convincing voice* And no I don't have Kamui and Subaru locked away in a secret room for my own sadistic enjoyment in hopes of luring Fuma and Seishiro into a trap. It's just stupid. *Laughs nervously* Nor do I own Robin Hood: Men in Tights or Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail. _

_On a beach in England..._

Subaru and Kamui scanned the horizon, looking for any signs of Yuto, who when we last left our heroes, decided to swim all the away from Africa to England instead of taking a ship like Kamui and Subaru had done. Both the young ex-king and the white mage had been looking for almost two days since they had arrived in a port not too far away. They both stood on the edge of a giant cliff, next to giant white Hollywood style letters that spelled out 'England'.

"Okay, I don't see him," Kamui complained for the fourteenth time in three hours, "Are you sure that he'll wash up on _this_ beach?"

"Be patient your majesty," Subaru soothed, "I know for a fact that he'll wash up on this precise beach."

Kamui rolled his eyes, "And just how does that figure again?"

Subaru sighed with a hint of annoyance, "I told you, it's a magic user thing. You wouldn't understand. Now be quiet and keep looking."

"But the longer we stay here, the more likely that Prince John and Sheriff Rottingham's giant flying chicken will devour Saiki, if it hasn't already!" Kamui whined.

"For the last time, your majesty," Subaru snapped impatiently, "Saiki will be fine. He still has to go on trial, and considering all the people that Rottingham and the Prince's men have arrested, he'll be waiting for quite a while. Now, with all due respect your highness; shut up and keep looking for our idiotic companion! We're going to need all the help we can get if we're to save your friend."

Kamui huffed, but otherwise he kept silent and went back to scanning the beach of any sign of Yuto. He squinted as he watched what appeared to be a piece of drift wood that was entangled with seaweed making its way to the shore. As he continued to watch it, he noticed that it didn't seem to be drifting towards the shore in a random fashion. In fact, it almost seemed like it was _swimming_.

"Hey," he called to Subaru, "I think I see him!"

Subaru joined him and Kamui pointed to the drift wood, which was by now trying to crawl out of the surf. He could just barely make out Yuto's cloths and his blond hair amongst all the seaweed that entangled him.

"That's him," Subaru confirmed. "Let's go."

Meanwhile, Yuto finally dragged his tired and painful limbs up the beach away from the water. He gasped for breath and looked up at the cliff and nearly wept for joy at the sight of the large white letters that told him that he had finally reached his destination.

"Home!" he croaked, pushing himself up to stand on his knees. "Home! England!"

He dropped to all fours and started kissing the sand repeatedly. When he realized that he was kissing the ground, he stopped abruptly and started spitting out sand.

"It's about time you got here!"

Yuto looked up to find Kamui and Subaru casually strolling up to him in dry clothes and in Kamui's case quite impatient. His eyes widened and his jaw dropped at the sight of them. "What are you two doing here?"

Subaru sweat dropped, "Well, waiting for you of course."

"But… but…" Yuto stammered and gestured behind him, "You were there… but you're here… and…"

Kamui frowned and mumbled to Subaru, "Someone swallowed a little too much salt water." Subaru nodded in agreement.

"How did you…" Yuto babbled. He couldn't understand why both Subaru and Kamui were standing in front of him. He could've sworn that he started before them.

"Oh… that," Kamui said hesitantly when he realized what was going on. "Well we wanted to tell you, but you were already pretty far out when we tried."

"Tell me what?" Yuto asked in an exasperated tone.

"Well you see…" Subaru said embarrassingly and rubbed the back of his head nervously, "We didn't have to swim to England. There was a boat on its way to England already. We hitched a ride back and arrived two days before you."

Yuto gaped at the two of them, then started whining and waving his arms and pointing at nothing in particular. Kamui and Subaru just stood there sweat dropping until he was completely finished. They were silent for a moment until Yuto spoke in an exhausted gasp, "A horse! My kingdom for a horse!"

The other two just sighed and went over and knelt down and each took one of Yuto's arms around their shoulders and helped him up and started making their way slowly to the nearest village.

"I can't believe I went from being the King of the Britons to a stupid crutch," Kamui grumbled.

_At Prince John's castle…_

"I said _hold still_!" Satsuki snarled at Jim, who was, at this moment trying in vain to escape from the bath and bubbles that Broomhilde and Lady Satsuki had drawn for him. Broomehilde held him down in the tub while Satsuki scrubbed his now pink skin viciously with a wash cloth. Saiki stood out of their way back in a corner, holding three bath towels.

"HELP! HELP ME! THEY'RE TRYING TO RAPE ME!" Jim screamed as he fought to get himself free of Broomhilde's iron grip. Satsuki smacked the back of his head. "Hold still now, or so help me god, I'll have Saiki hold you down while Broomhilde hits you with a broom!" she threatened.

Jim ignored her as he continued to scream for help, "NOOOOO! I DON'T WANNA GET RAPED! SOMEBODY SAVE ME!"

"No one's going to rape you!" Satsuki screamed at him. "It's just a bath!"

Saiki sighed and shook his head slowly. How does he always somehow manage to get himself stuck in these situations? First he had a fight with Kamui and was then snatched away by a freak of nature of a bird with an idiotic peasant who wouldn't shut up, arrested for treason and possession of a pair of coconut halves, and now he was stuck in the role of a lowly house servant!

He really couldn't complain though. In fact, he was quite grateful that Satsuki was hell bent on receiving at least two new servants from Rottingham after he had arrested and executed her last ones for no reason at all.

Saiki shuddered at the memory of Satsuki's rage after she had found out what he and Jim had been arrested for. He had thought for sure that she would've killed everyone in the dungeon at the rate she was going. After screaming and yelling at Rottingham about how incompetent he was for almost half an hour, Satsuki stormed out of the dungeon with Saiki and Jim scurrying fearfully at her heels and Broomhilde who brought up the rear. Both Saiki and Jim were now full of fear and respect for the terrifying and beautiful Satsuki, but they couldn't help but wonder if they would have been better off with Rottingham.

Once they had reached Satsuki's living quarters her mood changed entirely. She gave them a small reassuring smile and started to politely interrogate them. What were their names? Where were they from? What had they done before they had been arrested? After the interrogation was over Saiki had felt more relaxed and became confident enough to believe that as long as he didn't make any sudden movements and did what he was told, Satsuki was less likely to kill him.

When she and Broomhilde had gotten downwind of Jim they froze and sniffed and that's when things started to go downhill. Refusing to have a servant who stank of peasant life, Satsuki declared Jim unbearable and had ordered him to take a bath, and Broomhilde, who refused to have to follow Jim around with air freshener and have to constantly clean everything he touched, seconded Satsuki's order. Jim, being the moron that he was, refused.

"If the two of you refuse to sacrifice a few things for our relationship like I have, then it won't work!" Jim had retorted stubbornly.

"Vhat relationship?" Broomhilde exclaimed, "Ve've only just met you!"

"Oh, so that's how it is, is it?" Jim cried, "Fine then, have it your way! I worked so hard and gave up so much! And now you throw it back in my face!"

"What the hell are you talking about? All we want you to do is take a freakin' bath!" Satsuki argued.

"Well I'm not going to just stand here and take it!" Jim cried out dramatically, "I'm going to pursue my dream of becoming a hot Japanese-pop star!"

Now he found himself watching Satsuki and Broomhilde wrestling with Jim as they tried to scrub him clean.

"I HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT!" Jim bellowed as Satsuki dumped a bucket of water over his head. "ANYTHING I SAY CAN AND WILL BE USED AGAINST ME IN THE COURT OF LAW!"

Saiki sighed in exasperation and dropped the towels he was holding and stomped over to the tub and gently pushed Satsuki aside before snatching a broom.

"I HAVE THE RIGHT TO AN ATTORNEY! IF I CANNOT AFFORD AN ATTORNEY THEN—!"

Jim was abruptly cut off as Saiki bashed him on the head with the broom, knocking him unconscious. Satsuki and Broomhilde gaped at the now unconscious form of Jim and then to Saiki and back again.

"There," Saiki sighed in relief. "That otta keep him quiet for the rest of his bath time. Heck, maybe he'll be out for the rest of the day." He added cheerfully.

Then, without another word he turned and left the bathroom and Satsuki and Broomhilde to finish their job.

After Lady Satsuki was satisfied with Jim's cleanliness, she called for Saiki to drag him out of her bath tub and quickly dried him off and after sending Broomhilde off in search of servant's clothes, dressed him and had him slumped against a wall before he woke up.

"He's not use to taking bathes is he?" Broomhilde asked in her heavy German accent.

Saiki shrugged, "I guess not. I've never met him before all of this."

Satsuki cocked her head to the side curiously, "What did you say you did before that bloody bird snatched you up?"

Saiki puffed his chest out with pride and declared proudly, "I served as a page for King Kamui."

Both women gasped, "King Kamui? You mean _the_ King Kamui?! The Defeater of the Saxons?! The Sultan of all England? The beloved King to all Britons?"

Saiki nodded, "Yep, the very same."

Both women started to giggle sheepishly. "Is he really as handsome as they say?"

"Yep, though many would say that he's the most beautiful person in the world."

"Is he really brave too?"

"Of course!"

"Does he have a girlfriend?"

"No… not really,' Saiki sweat dropped at that question.

"Do you think he could sign my chastity belt?"

"EH?!" Saiki exclaimed. The two women started to close in on him with never-ending questions. He backed up against the wall, starting to realize that he was in the presence of…. DUN DUN DUNNN! Rabid Fangirls!

'_Oh bother…'_ Saiki thought as the questions swallowed him up and spat him out. He wished he had just kept his mouth shut and cursed himself and, of course, he cursed Kamui most of all.

_Meanwhile as Saiki was fighting off rabid fangirls…_

Kamui, Subaru, and Yuto had made it back to the village, where Yuto was able to get a change of clothes and make up for all the meals that he'd missed. They also brought weapons in which to aid them on their quest. Yuto got a bow and a quiver of arrows and a sword, Kamui got himself a new sword after losing his last one when he and Subaru were arrested, and Subaru also got a bow and quiver of arrows. When he was finally satisfied, they rented a couple of large actual horses that had a small banner across their hindquarters that read 'Rent-A-Wreck' (Kamui had whined and complained about why he hadn't had one when he had started his journey) and where now riding through Sherwood forest.

"So what's the plan?" Yuto inquired thoughtfully. "Whether we like it or not, we're outlaws now. And I don't know about you, but that puts a dent in my own plans."

Kamui shrugged, "I don't know. I just want to save Saiki and find out what the heck is going on with this Prince John crap."

Subaru shrugged as well, "I was hunting for someone. But I promised his majesty that I would help him rescue his friend, so I guess my original plans are gonna have to be put on hold until then."

Yuto cocked his head to the side, "What happened to your friend?"

Kamui frowned and looked at the ground in shame. "It's all my fault!" he moaned, "I ignored him when he was dying of thirst and we started fighting. Then some giant mutant turkey came out of nowhere and snatched him up and took him away."

Yuto's face turned grave, "You mean Prince John's giant bird thing?"

Kamui nodded, "Have you seen it?"

Yuto shook his head, "No, only rumors. But I never believed them."

"Well start believing now, because I've seen it," Kamui said and spread his arms wide, "He was big—bigger than this! In fact he was as big as a house!"

Subaru nodded in agreement, "I've seen it too."

Yuto frowned in thought. "So this bird took off with your friend?"

Kamui nodded, "And according to Subaru, it took him to Prince John's castle."

"It takes traitors or anyone that the Sheriff of Rottingham or Prince John thinks are criminals to the castle to await trial and execution. It also takes peasants to eat." Subaru added solemnly.

Yuto hissed, "That bird must die." Then he gave a curt nod and said, "Then I shall help you too. I can't really think of how else I can stop those mad men and their psychotic pigeon!"

Kamui smiled gratefully, "Thank you!"

As they continued riding they came to a clearing where they saw three of the Sheriff's men beating the crap out of some random young man. Kamui frowned and squinted at the young man and whispered to his two companions, "Doesn't that guy look familiar?"

Subaru and Yuto looked to the group of men. "Which one," Yuto asked, "One of the guys beating up that other guy, or the guy that's getting beaten up by the other guys?"

"The one that's getting his ass kicked," Kamui clarified.

The young man in question looked to be about in his early twenties and of African descent. He wore a green and purple turban that kept pulling at Kamui's memory. Apparently it was the same for Yuto and Subaru as well, because Yuto dug through his pockets and pulled out the photo of Achoo and examined it. He looked up and squinted to get a better look at the young man who was now being held from behind by one guard while another started punching him in the stomach.

Subaru peered at the picture too and called to the group, "Achoo?"

The three men stopped and turned to them. "Bless you!"

They all went back to beating the young man up. Yuto finally got a good look and nodded to himself. "Yep, that's him."

"How can you tell?" Kamui asked, still trying to get a good look at the man.

Yuto just smiled and slipped of his horse's back, "I just know. Wait here your highness, Subaru and I will take care of this."

Kamui frowned and opened his mouth to protest but Subaru spoke first. He raised an eye brow and didn't move from his spot on their horse, "Subaru's gonna do what?"

Yuto stopped in his stride and turned to look at the white mage, "Come on, we got to go down there and rescue him."

Subaru shook his head, "Oh no, no, no. I'm just gonna sit this one out."

Yuto narrowed his eyes and blinked, "What?"

"I don't do physical combat," Subaru retorted.

Kamui interjected quickly, "I can fight!"

"What kind of excuse is that?" Yuto demanded, both he and Subaru ignoring Kamui's argument.

Subaru folded his arms and snapped, "I'm a magic user, a MAGIC USER! I don't fight in physical combat, I only cast spells."

"I'm not a magic user! I know how to fight in physical combat!" Kamui interrupted again, only to be ignored. Again.

Yuto snorted, "Then come on and start spell casting!"

Subaru glared, "I'm staying here to protect his highness. There are only three men; surely you can handle them all."

"But I don't _need _protecting!" Kamui complained, only to be ignored again.

Yuto rolled his eyes and turned on his heel, "Pansy."

"Man, I hope someone's getting a video tape of this!" Achoo gasped between blows. Yuto strode over and punched the guy holding Achoo in the back of the head. The man let Achoo go and fell to the ground unconscious. He quickly grabbed the one that had been punching Achoo and put him in a headlock.

"Watch my back!" He said to Achoo. Achoo leaned over and watched as another of the guards ran in and punched Yuto in the back twice.

"Your back just got punched," Achoo told him and held up two fingers, "Twice."

Yuto flinched and glared up at Achoo, "Thanks."

He brought his elbow back and smashed it behind him into the guy's face, knocking him to the ground, where he writhed in pain and cupped his hands over his now bleeding nose, and then grabbed the guy he was holding and swung him to the ground, and he and Achoo quickly backed away.

"Hey, thanks man," Achoo said happily, clapping Yuto's shoulder.

"You're welcome," Yuto said absentmindedly, his attention on the three men on the ground who were slowly getting to their feet.

"Say, who are you anyway?" Achoo asked, oblivious to the men.

"Erm, I don't think now is the time for introductions," Yuto answered and the men advanced towards them. Achoo looked up and then held his hands up to signal a time-out. "Hey time-out!"

The three men stopped their advancement and stared at the two before them, puzzled. "Hey look, I'm sorry bad guys," Achoo said lightly, "But_ I_ am running out of air." He flicked a strip of cloth from his turban out of his face. "Timed to get pumped."

He then bent over where we see that he's wearing a pair of black sneakers and pumps them a couple of times before straightening up and saying lightly, "Okay Hokies, time-in."

The three men circled Yuto and Achoo, surrounding them and cutting off any escape routes.

Yuto held his fists up and muttered to Achoo, "By the way, do you know praying mantis?"

Achoo smirked, "You're lookin' at him."

Then both men started howling and doing fake kung-fu moves. The three opposing men stopped in their circling and looked at each other, unsure of what was going on. Just then, Yuto struck! He darted toward the guy on his left with another Chinese howl and punched him repeatedly in the face ten times. Then, before the man, dazed and confused with a grade two concussion and a broken nose, could so much as blink, Yuto karate-chomped him in the neck and kicked him in the stomach, sending the even more confused man crumpling to the ground with a groan.

The two men left were stunned to say the least. That is until Achoo, using Yuto's attack as a distraction, ran at the guy on the right and made a flying leap, as though he were running on air and kicked the man in the face, sending him flying into a nearby tree. Kamui and Subaru flinched as the guy impacted with the tree and groaned, "Ooooo, that's gonna hurt."

And then there was one. The man in the middle stood on shaky legs as his glance darted between Yuto and Achoo, who are now, after having turned the tables, slowly advancing on him.

"Wait, please!" he croaked, "Please have mercy! I-I have a wife and two children, and a stable paying job! I went to collage!"

Achoo narrowed his eyes, "What are you trying to say?"

The man gulped, "I-I-I don't know what y-you mea—"

Yuto also glared and said icily, "Are you saying that just because you went to college, that automatically means that you're better than everyone else?"

The man's eyes widened in horror, "N-no! That's not what I—"

Achoo advanced, "Are you automatically assuming that neither of _us_ went to college?"

The man was sweating a puddle by now, "No I—"

"What, do you think that just because we don't look like the stereotypical person who went to college that means we didn't?" Yuto demanded harshly taking another threatening step forward.

The man backed away nervously, "No, I didn't say that!"

"Do you think that since you went to collage then that makes you special?" Achoo snapped.

The man looked between the two heroes wildly and sputtered, "I—I—no—didn't…." Then he screamed and dropped to his knees and curled up in a fetal position and started sucking his thumb and chanted over and over, "Find a happy place. Find a happy place. Find a happy place."

Yuto and Achoo stopped and smirked at each other and high-fived, "You know the Secret Confusion Technique too?" Yuto beamed.

"Hell yeah," Achoo chirped, "You never know when you may need to send something in an eternal psychotic meltdown from which there is no return."

They both burst out laughing as the man that they had just mentally tortured began rocking back and forth and muttering for his mom. Subaru and Kamui had slide off their horse and walked over to the laughing pair, Subaru holding the reins to both horses.

Kamui glanced down at the pathetic looking man on the ground with a look of awe. "What did you do to him?"

"We used the Secret Confusion Technique," Yuto answered. "A secret technique developed by the ancient Dark Celtic Priests who were banished from their lands. A person subjected to it will be sent into an eternal psychotic meltdown from which they will never return. This guy got a double dose, so he's _defiantly_ not coming back anytime soon."

Achoo nodded, "Yep, now he'll be cuckoo for Coco Puffs forever."

Kamui shivered at that thought, "What a horrible power."

Subaru narrowed his eyes, "Where did you learn that technique?"

Yuto shrugged, "Some guy taught me. I don't know his name though."

"Same here," Achoo said. "I saw him a few weeks ago and he taught it to me in exchange for something." He frowned and looked at Subaru closely. "Now that I think about it, you look _just like_ him. Except he wore black robes instead of white."

Yuto nodded, "And he had a blind eye, didn't he?"

"Yeah! And he wore these really cool things over his eyes. What were those called? Night visions? Blackouts?"

Subaru's face stony, "Sunglasses."

"Yeah, sunglasses, that's right!" Achoo said happily, "How did you know?"

Subaru's eyes hardened and his voice was ice cold as he responded, "Because I've been trying to track that bastard for six years now."

Yuto flinched and Achoo averted his gaze. "Oh, we're sorry."

Kamui cocked his head slightly, "Achoo, do you know where he went?"

Achoo shook his head, "Nope, I just gave him my lucky pendent after he taught me that technique." He blinked, "Wait, who are you guys anyway?"

"I'm Yuto Kigai," Yuto said, "This guy," he gestured to Subaru who was glowering at the moment, "Is Subaru Sumeragi, and this guy," he pointed to Kamui, "is King Kamui, the _real_ King of Briton."

"Nice to meet ya," Achoo nodded, "How did you know who I was?"

"We met your father in Egypt and he asked us to find you." Kamui answered.

Subaru handed Yuto his horse's reins and turned on his heel and started walking without a word.

"Hey—where're you going?" Yuto called after him.

"That bastard was here not too long ago," Subaru hissed, "That means he's around here somewhere!"

Achoo sweat dropped, "Actually I saw him about three weeks ago, and I wasn't here, I was up north."

Subaru stopped and turned to Achoo, his eyes narrowed into slits. "Don't you think you could've mentioned that before?"

Achoo rolled his eyes and shrugged, "I said that I met him a few weeks ago."

Subaru threw his arms up in exasperation and screamed a long strand of curses. Yuto and Achoo turned to Kamui for answers, who was, at this point shaking his head at Subaru's display with pity. "He's had a long few weeks."

Achoo snorted, "Really? I couldn't tell."

"Poor guy," Yuto said sympathetically.

Kamui sighed, "So what do we do now?"

Yuto shrugged as he watched Subaru jump up and down angrily after he stubbed a toe when he fiercely kicked a wooden stump. "I don't know. We're not too far from my home; we can rest and think of what to do there." He suggested. Subaru glared at the evil stump that had made him stub his toe and kicked it again with his other foot before howling in pain and bouncing up and down while clenching his new injured foot, cursing that stupid stump and Seishiro Sakurazuka for his misfortune. Everyone just watch him with raised eye brows and tsk tsked at his behavior.

"You know you'd think he would just take the news with grace and act his own age," Kamui remarked, folding his arms over his chest. "I mean, every time I complained, he always told me to suck it up, and now he gets all pissed and starts throwing a fit because he missed the Sakurazukamori. Is that hypocritical or what?"

Yuto and Achoo shrugged again, "We're just as puzzled as you, your Highness."

"Yeah," Achoo said, "And I only just met you guys."

They stood in silence for a while more, waiting for Subaru to scream out his frustrations and feed his masochistic side by banging his elbows against a tree and then punching said tree for banging his elbows, and again cursing Seishiro's name and the day he was born every time. After a while, he stopped. Not because he had run out of things to curse, but because his voice was horse and his toes, elbows, and hands hurt like hell and his was beginning to discover that he couldn't win against the evil tree and its stumpy stump companion.

He limped back to his three waiting companions with a glower. Before any of them could say a word he cut them off with a look and snapped, "Shut up. Let's just get the hell out of here before something else happens."

"I was just gonna say off we go," Achoo said innocently. Subaru snorted and muttered, "Yeah, I'll bet."

And thus they set off at a slow pace, thanks to Subaru kicking poor defenseless trees and stumps in his tantrum.

_Meanwhile, Saiki has survived the fangirl attack and Jim has regained consciousness. Now we join them in another exciting episode, let us watch..._

"Methinks my head hurts!" Jim complained for the thousandth time since he had woken didn't remember his horrifying bath time experience, nor did he remember Saiki bashing him upside the head. All he knew was that it was lights out and when he woke up he had the mother of all headaches, which he had to pass on to anyone who was in hearing distance with his whining. Sadly, the only people who were being subjected to his torture were Lady Satsuki, Broomhilde, and Saiki. All who were very close to choking the living daylights out of their idiot companion.

"Methinks you should shut up and keep your headache to yourself," Saiki snapped, clenching his now aching head.

"But it huuuuurts!"

"Shut up," Broomhilde snarled while she tried to stuff cotton balls down her ears.

"Make it sssstttooooooppp!"

"I'll make your life stop if you don't be quiet this instant!" Satsuki shouted as she rubbed her temples.

"I want asssppppiriiinnn!"

"No body's got any aspirin, you stupid sod!" Saiki hissed.

"Then geeeeet meeee sommmme!" Jim cried.

"Listen you, when I say nobody has any god forsaken aspirin then there is no god forsaken aspirin! Otherwise we'd have used it ourselves!" Saiki yelled, but to no avail. Jim wasn't listening like always.

"I'm dyyyyyinggggg!"

"SHUT UP!" they all screamed in unison.

"WAAAAHHHH!" Jim's wails sounded through the halls of the castle, making all the inhabitants and those who were in a ten feet radius of the castle walls stop what they were doing and clinch their ears in pain.

"Bloody hell! What's making that awful racket?!" The Sheriff of Rottingham shouted from his office in the dungeons, his hands pressed against his ears like a vice.

From the main hall where the king's throne was located a man with luscious brown curly hair that stopped at his shoulders and adorned a golden crown with rubies, sapphires, and emeralds on his head and a large mole on his left cheek bone stuffed a pair of pillows against his head. This man was Prince John, the throne stealing, crown snatching coward who stole Kamui's crown and throne and is the cause for all of our hero's problems.

"What is this? An attack of some sort?" Prince John demanded. The royal adviser who was currently on his knees shouted back, "WHAT? DID YOU SAY SOMETHING MY LORD?!"

Saiki gritted his teeth and snatched a sock from the floor and leaped at Jim, knocking him to the ground and stuffing the sock in his mouth and abruptly cutting off Jim's paralyzing wails of doom. But Saiki wasn't done yet. He grabbed a fist full of Jim's shirt and roughly hauled him to his feet and slammed him against the wall.

"For the love of god, shut up Jim!" He yelled as he shook the subdued red head. "There _is_ no aspirin! I don't _care_ if you have a headache, and neither does anyone else!"

Jim tried to talk around his gag but Saiki slammed him against the wall and silenced him. "No! You no longer have the right to talk!" Saiki said hotly. "You just lost your talking privileges! If I hear you so much as even _whisper_ I'll kill you myself, consequences be damned!"

Jim gave a muffled squeak of fright. Saiki continued, "From now on you are not allowed to talk. I don't care how you communicate, so long as it doesn't make any kind of loud racket. Is this in anyway unclear?"

Jim shook his head and gave Saiki a thumbs up. Saiki nodded curtly and released him, "Good, now go sit in a corner somewhere quietly until you're called."

Jim scurried over to a corner by a window, staying in Saiki's sight so that he wouldn't piss him off any more than he already was. Saiki sighed with frustration and turned to Satsuki and smiled weakly, "I'm sorry he's such a complete imbecile."

Satsuki shrugged as she massaged her temples, "It's not your fault. His mother must've dropped him on his head when he was a baby or something."

Jim crossed his arms and stuck out his bottom lip in a pout.

TBC...

_YAY! I finally did it! WOOT! I'm so sorry I haven't updated in so long, first my school computer was retarded and blocked almost the whole internet and then I didn't have a computer of my own to work on. And now I do have a computer of my own but I just don't have time hardly at all. Since it's been forever since I've even worked on this story I'm kind of a little lost on what I wanted to do with it… D: I have decided that I shall leave it up to you guys. If you really want me to I will try to finish it(in all my spare time). Please review, and depending on how many reviews I get I will make a bigger effort to finish this story._

_Love–_

_Temari_


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